Just because you don't think trans women are women doesn't mean every guy thinks the same. Stop projecting.

I'm scarred for life

I would love to be a girl if I could restart my life from scratch. I often dreamed of exchanging lives with a girl.

This sounds very similar to my experience! I'll just say that when I accepted myself as trans, I didn't stop smiling for two weeks.

https://blovish.github.io/kirkslider/