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It's not self-hosted, I refuse to use anything that relies on any third party
Check out Headscale, pretty stable on my end
Does using headscale reduce the available functionality in any way? I read Tailscale's AMAZING article on NAT traversal and was wondering if that was impacted by moving to headscale in any way. Does headscale replace DERP too?
Headscale does have a built-in DERP server, and you can run standalone instances using code from tailscale (there are a bunch of docker images you can find on docker hub, or you can build one yourself), which you then have to include in Headscale's config. I've done this for a while, but I was running into connectivity issues when on the go using a mobile connection, so I've been falling back on Tailscale's instances for now. I should try again sometime.
Could it be that your headscale instance is only available over IPv6? Sometimes that's disabled on mobile networks.