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Image: Meme of template It Is with Great Pleasure that I Inform You Colonel Toad

Caption: I terminated a relationship with a manipulative woman after tracking her behaviors and noticing patterns using a log.

Background: I have a history of getting into relationships with manipulative women. The last one was terrible as it left me in fear for my life. My autistic traits make it difficult for me to understand people's intentions, which results in me unknowingly building relationships with people that prey on vulnerable people. I spent the past year and a half healing, learning about autistic traits, myself, and relationships. One strategy I learned was to notice when I am confused. Once that happens, I am to begin keeping a log of interesting behaviors and statements.

I started keeping a log of my interactions with a woman I started dating recently after I started noticing that I was confused with expectations. About a week ago, I aimed to end the relationship after noticing a pattern of deception using plausible deniability. However, when we met up to talk about it, she admitted to her behaviors and provided a reason for that behavior in the final instance that I was willing to excuse that one time because I acknowledge that sometimes I misinterpret social interactions and other people make mistakes too. Today, she demonstrated that pattern again. I was forthcoming and attempted to resolve the issue, but she was not meeting the minimal standards I had previously established to hold myself accountable. As such, I decided to terminate the relationship on my terms with a calm and respectful conversation that focused on my needs and desires.

While I'm somewhat sad that the relationship ended, I'm really happy with myself! I was able to hold myself to boundaries that I had established for myself. I feel a stronger sense of confidence that I can protect myself. I'm proud of myself today. Yippee!

PS - I think there's a bigger meaning to me using the word myself as much in the last paragraph. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm thinking it may have something with establishing a healthier me.

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[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 points 1 month ago

In case you're interested, this is my system:

  1. Notice when things seem off or odd. They don't have to be blaring, confirmed, or have any sort of meaning. Just that you feel something is different, caught your attention, or you keep thinking about it.
  2. Jot that down in a note with the date. Include any information that you are thinking about. It doesn't have to mean anything. You are just keeping track of your thoughts.
  3. Continue doing so until you see something repeated 3 times.
  4. Accept it is a pattern. Whether well-meaning, unintentional, etc., it is still a pattern.
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
8 points (100.0% liked)

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