This might sound harsh but honestly atleast my life is really underwhelming, no matter what I try.

I have a wife, 2 dogs, an own house but a decently large debt for the house so I actually dont own it yet and a job I love (nightshift nurse)

It feels like I fckd everything up.

10 years ago my wife and I were in South East Asia, traveling,... now? I have to take care of the house, pay my credit, work

Its not the same going to Thailand only 2 weeks a year. I know many ppl cant afford it but I need that escape.

While my life isnt actually bad it just is bland though. I dont do anything other than play Video games, take care of house and dogs, watch movies, cook stuff...

But where is the excitement?

I quit going to gym, I think I should do that but I catch myself esther staring at the wall than searching for a nearby gym.

As a night nurse I have so much time in the day I would like to barista at a cafe but Im too scared to start that.

I would like to play Board games but my friends rather drink alcohol in Clubs and the next DND or Boardgame groups are 40 minutes by car.

See hpw confused I am I cant even structure this post properly.

I know money isn everything but Id travel the world, give my house away to rent, buy a new smaller house in a few years, do more sport, ... somehow it feels life is behind a huge paywall and I have enough to have a decent life.

If I go to Thailand next year I have thoughts in my head like: "This money could be used to pay credit debt instead, or yard stuff, kitchen supply,..." With money I could enjoy it more