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Selfhosted
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I tried hosting Gitlab for a while, but configuration and upgrades were difficult, and your really have to stay on top of updates due to vulnerabilities. It also used a lot of resources and wasn't super responsive.
I moved to Forgejo (a hard fork of Gitea), and haven't looked back; I cant recommend it enough. It's fast, doesn't take a lot of resources, actively developed, and has all the features I need.
Codeberg is a public instance of Forgejo if you want to try it out first.
It's not fully selfhosted but I did setup my own runner that integrates with their site.