Ask Lemmy

so I think there was the expectation that I go, but I strongly feel that nobody should be obligated to go to an after-work event (especially since I already went to one).

...and...

I work remote, but occasionally have to travel to New York City for in-office events.

I totally get where you're coming from, and most replies here are "you're not obligated, so don't go" or "just say no". If you were living in the same city as your work, you could probably get away with this without any repercussions. Where you might get burned here is that work paid for your travel to New York for this. If you're only going to participate in the "in office" portion of the meeting, they have a good argument to not fly you out and put you up in a hotel. They could just ask you to join a video conference. This may be your preference even, but if so, you should talk to your boss about it.

Something like: "Hey boss, I see there's the upcoming on-site meeting scheduled. I wanted to let you know that my out-of-work schedule doesn't really accommodate the after work activities that go on because of timing. I know the budget is always tight, so I am just fine with joining the meeting on Teams. Heck, keep the same budget and buy everyone else there HUGE steak dinners with what you're saving on my flight and hotel costs!"

Keep in mind, while you're not obligated to go to these, when the job cuts come, your self imposed exclusion to these events may make you a target.

Alternatively, you can go to the after-work events, but politely duck out after an hour or so being there. That way you'll still get "credit" for going, and everyone will remember that you were there.