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She won’t talk to me, what do I do? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by voytek709@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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So I (18NB, 18MTF) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

The last time we talked, she asked me about our relationship and I told her to stop talking about it. She did, I guess, but won’t talk at all now.

Update: A new message reads “I really hope this will work out. I love you ❤️. Also, please know that if it doesn’t, I won’t talk for a while, but it’s not because I’m mad at you. I just need to process things, especially with my depression and all.”

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[–] voytek709@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 days ago (2 children)

That’s the thing, IDK if I want to be with her or not. I do but IDK

[–] Zak@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

It's OK not to know what you want. It's especially OK when you're 18 and in high school. It's OK to choose an option now and change your mind later (though if you choose no, she probably won't be available to you later if you change your mind).

It's even OK to tell her that you don't want to talk about your relationship, but she's probably going to take that as you not wanting to be in a relationship with her. If you don't want her to take it that way, then you need to talk with her about your relationship even if the thing you have to say is you're unsure. Of course there's a good chance she'll respond unfavorably to your uncertainty; most people don't like being a second choice or a backup plan.

[–] Veedem@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

It seems like you want to be with her because she’s here right now and you’d rather have someone than no one. You wouldn’t be hesitating otherwise. You effectively told her that, too.

If you don’t think you can commit and she’s looking for that, you should let her go.