I first joined the Brazilian Communist Party (PCB) in 2018, right after Bolsonaro's election. I had been following members of the Communist Youth League (UJC) for a few years by then, but seeing Bolsonaro win made me realise I shouldn't be waiting until I felt I was knowledgeable enough on Marxism-Leninist theory to join an organization. When PCB split in 2023, I left to join the newly formed Revolutionary Brazilian Communist Party.
We've been doing a lot of good work, but I turned 30 last year and it made me thing a lot. I'm a Film graduate and I went to college because I wanted to be a screenwriter. The career path I expected before joining simply wasn't realistic: it's quite hard to get paid to write, you need to do a lot of writing in your free time and then try to sell it or get a public grant to build up your portfolio. And the time and energy I devoted to the party simply didn't allow me enough free time to write as many projects per year as I need to if I want to make in this area. I graduated 10 years ago and, since then, I have made nothing. I started seeing the names of people I studied with in the credits of movies and TV shows and it made me feel like I'm behind.
I'm not feeling great about quitting. There's nothing wrong with taking a couple years to focus on yourself, but stepping away from something I dedicated myself to for long and in which I still strongly believe isn't a trivial decision. It makes me feel selfish.
I'm hoping I'll be in a place where I can come back to militant work in two years or so.
I did the same bc of depression (but with the youth organisation bc you cant really join the party if youre under 30 here). I dont think anyone will think negative of this dont worry
I'm sorry to hear that, mate. Hope you feel better soon! I know no one will think any negative of this, but it isn't really about other people: it's about me. I know how much work we have to do, especially with the recent split and the elections coming up next year (it's going to be a real shitshow, with a high likelyhood of the far-right winning again). I wanted to be a part of making our party an hegemonic force in the left-wing like we were in the first half of the 20th century. And, well, I know the party won't be going anywhere in two years, but still.