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felipeforte@lemmygrad.ml

After 7 years, I quit the party. Not feeling great about it (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by Psychotronics@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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I first joined the Brazilian Communist Party (PCB) in 2018, right after Bolsonaro's election. I had been following members of the Communist Youth League (UJC) for a few years by then, but seeing Bolsonaro win made me realise I shouldn't be waiting until I felt I was knowledgeable enough on Marxism-Leninist theory to join an organization. When PCB split in 2023, I left to join the newly formed Revolutionary Brazilian Communist Party. We've been doing a lot of good work, but I turned 30 last year and it made me thing a lot. I'm a Film graduate and I went to college because I wanted to be a screenwriter. The career path I expected before joining simply wasn't realistic: it's quite hard to get paid to write, you need to do a lot of writing in your free time and then try to sell it or get a public grant to build up your portfolio. And the time and energy I devoted to the party simply didn't allow me enough free time to write as many projects per year as I need to if I want to make in this area. I graduated 10 years ago and, since then, I have made nothing. I started seeing the names of people I studied with in the credits of movies and TV shows and it made me feel like I'm behind. I'm not feeling great about quitting. There's nothing wrong with taking a couple years to focus on yourself, but stepping away from something I dedicated myself to for long and in which I still strongly believe isn't a trivial decision. It makes me feel selfish. I'm hoping I'll be in a place where I can come back to militant work in two years or so.

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[–] darkcalling@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 17 hours ago

You need to take care of yourself and survive too and thrive as well. And if I'm being honest given your career desires to screen-write I think another even closeted Marxist screenwriter is a lot more valuable for the movement than another part-time, distracted, under-employed, and sad cadre. So go for it and don't feel bad.

[–] YouthSakhavu@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 18 hours ago

It's completely normal to wanna work hard and advance in your field of work, especially since it seems to be something you're really passionate about. I know just how much work being in a party demands of you, so it makes sense why you couldn't find the time to fuel your career.

I think you're decision was right because getting alienated from your passion really chips away at your mental, so working on that was the right call imo. Hope you find great success comrade!

[–] marl_karx@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I did the same bc of depression (but with the youth organisation bc you cant really join the party if youre under 30 here). I dont think anyone will think negative of this dont worry

[–] Psychotronics@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 1 day ago

I'm sorry to hear that, mate. Hope you feel better soon! I know no one will think any negative of this, but it isn't really about other people: it's about me. I know how much work we have to do, especially with the recent split and the elections coming up next year (it's going to be a real shitshow, with a high likelyhood of the far-right winning again). I wanted to be a part of making our party an hegemonic force in the left-wing like we were in the first half of the 20th century. And, well, I know the party won't be going anywhere in two years, but still.

[–] bunbun@lemmygrad.ml 22 points 2 days ago

There's nothing wrong with taking a couple years to focus on yourself

You said it. If you're not okay, your output is not gonna be the best either, be it political, creative, or otherwise. Self-actualization is important, so if activism doesn't cover it alone, it only makes sense to balance it out with other pursuits. And after all, revolutionary movies also need screenwriters.

[–] Angry_Fuck@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Comrade, I went through something similar, being Brazilian and all. UJC too.

I took time to invest on myself. I needed to get better, both economically, mentally, academically, you name it. Taking time is not a problem, specially when life happens (or seems to be stuck).

I have some gripes on the Party and their Youth, so I don't believe I'd go back, but I'm not abandoning Marxism-Leninism in any way, shape or form.

[–] Psychotronics@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Oh, I definitely have some gripes with the party. Just because we split from PCB doesn't mean every problem in the old party has been overcome. But, to me, that's all the more reason to stay: I believe we need to build a Marxist-Leninist party that is recognized as a dominant force within the left-wing. This requires that we are ruthless in our self-criticism in order to refine our organizational methods. I want to be a part in this, because I honestly believe that, in time, we'll get there. But I know I'm not in a place where I can devote myself to this, not without making personal sacrifices I'm not willing to make. Still, feels bad.