As to why the EU and its members did not react and support this sufficiently, there are many excuses brought forth, but I'd concentrate on one point: Ideologies of foreign relations.

Many people in the (Western) EU prided themselves on the idea that Europe has been so peaceful for oh so long, especially if one doesn't look thoroughly. They taught that this peace came to be through peaceful revolutions and disarmament diplomacy.

Nothing of this is really true, but there is certain underlying truth to it: If both sides are roughly in an power equilibrium, sufficiently scared of each other, war might be unlikely if both sides remain calm (Putin and Trump are perversions of all that).

Europe was split so long that it has no unified history. Imagine the American Civil War or German-Russian War froze for half a century. 1940s to 1990s, Europe was split and now the EU is made up of culturally rich, but distinct splinters.

Marshall plan, NATO, Comecon, nuclear shields always made sure that Russia and USA are involved.

With USA and Russia going mad after losing influence, EU and Europe is still thinking that if it behaves that there won't be consequences or the stress of autonomy.

EU is still split enough that its members are unsure how to proceed. Commission has not enough power to speak an overriding word of authority (Machtwort), and West European members like Germany, France, BeNeLux or Italy are too split internally to send strong long term support.

I believe that many politicians think that if they do strong short term support, Ukraine will lose the war, they won't be reelected and Europe, their country stands weaker against Russia, USA and China.

I think your anger is justified. Europe needs to grow up.