The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Assuming the controversial president of the United States must be in possession of potentially damning information concerning his home country in order to keep them so completely under his control, the rest of the world wondered aloud Tuesday about exactly what Trump has on America that compels the nation to keep him in power. “Whoa, he must have some real bad dirt on the U.S. populace for them to just let him get away with so much unconscionable bullshit. You have to wonder what he knows,” said billions of world inhabitants outside of President Trump’s jurisdiction