this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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No offense, cause I think your message is good overall, but you contradict yourself in the same paragraph.
Trying to learn things so others will like you more isn't a great way to do it. I know because I tried that. My self-love became conditional with that mindset, and there was always something else I could come up with I had to learn or change about myself before I could be lovable.
My old therapist called me out on it. He said there's nothing wrong with pushing yourself to improve, but if you don't balance that with unconditional self love it will simply lead to depression.
Not worrying about how others perceive you and having something interesting to share with others is not contradictory.
I don’t have to like you or agree with you to listen to something you feel passionate about to share. Have you heard of YouTube?
If you’re weird and you have nothing interesting to share, if you lack the confidence to speak with others, then I’m not very likely to give you much attention.
Learning something “so others will like you” is exactly what I’m suggest you do not do. You should learn something so that you have personal confidence in something. The more you become proficient in something, the more confident you’ll become overall. Accomplishing goals and overcoming obstacles breeds confidence. It may help your social interactions if that thing is less niche and more universal but not exclusively.
This is why people ask others what they do for a living. They want to hear you speak about something they presume you’re passionate about. There’s a hope to engage in a conversation or to learn something from you. If you have some niche hobby or job and you’re good at it, people will listen to you. You may even find people come up to you at a party to hear more about what you feel so strongly about.
Don’t ever do something solely because you think it will make others like you more. If you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re not able to put all of yourself into it. You’ll never own that thing. You’ll just be renting it for others.
It was the "so others find you interesting" part I was reacting to. It sounds like that's not what you meant, so don't worry about it.
Gotcha. I probably could have phrased that better.