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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:
imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular
are you saying it's unreasonable to ask not to be called something you don't want to be called?
There's a certain societal inertia you have to push against, and it's unrealistic to expect everyone to change these patterns for you instantly. Friends/family/kind acquaintances will take some time, and others may never change for your sake.
I get that it's challenging for some people, but the actual difficult part is just getting people to have the baseline of respect to even try.
Like at any larger social gathering, even among "woke" commies, etc, someone is going to be misgendering someone else like every other minute, but we're all doing our best and actually trying. We just muddle through.
I think most peoole that agree with OP understand the societal inertia, and complications occured by having a prefrence contrary to the majority.
I think the point of this post is to be part of that pushback. To have those who have never been in the minority to have some empathy. So that when we meet somebody who has a prefrence that makes you do some work, people may be more inclined to accomidate and support othrs.
Depends, I've had people request I stop calling them "dude" or "man." The first of which being my dad, who insisted when I was young that it was disrespectful and I should call him "dad" or "father." This did not go well for him, even to this day, spoke to him last night and at one point said "Dude so I was reading this article the other day..." My grandma also requested the same, as ironic as that is in this post, and was met with similar resistance. It's like asking someone to quit saying "like," it can be done but it takes active effort to change their speech pattern, to which I say "no, it is neither disrespectful nor gendered, and I will not actively change my entire speech pattern to satiate an unreasonable demand from one person that I know, so you can either get over being called dude just like literally everyone else I talk to, or we don't have to talk, dad." I'm not doing it to piss him off, it is just how I talk.
"Hey, son, when you call me dude it feels like you don't respect me, like I've lost the right to be your father, something that I am incredibly proud of. I know that you mean it conversationally, so I try not to take it personally, but in my mind it's a term of mutual connection and endearment and it means a lot to me to be able to hold that title for you."
Oof, fuck, I did emotional damage to myself.
Yeeeeeaaaah he didn't tell me he was proud of me until I was 25, so "probably not."
Also I did/do call him dad, but dude is more of an interjection or exclamation than an honorific. "Hey dad how you been? ... Word cool glad to hear it. OH DUDE so I was talking to mom the other day, and..."
"Dude" like 100% of the time means either I forgot an acquaintance's name or "OH SHIT my ADHD just reminded me of this thing I'm about to tell you" or "Maaaaaan/sheeeeeit/duuuuude" or simply the same as "bro/guy/buddy/pal/mack/playa/nword(can'tsaythatonebutykwim)/hoss/boss/cat/chingon/друг/чубак/comrade/friend/doc/anything-commonly-used-instead-of-a-name."
I feel you, dude (lol). My kids call me dude like that, too, and I use it the same way. I often used to say, "Yeah, man," as an affirmative, no matter who I was talking to, but I guess that fell out of daily use a while back.
I was trying to look at it from a father's perspective; the kind of thing I might say in that situation if it really bothered me. And, I think it's important to explain how we feel about things using that "when you say/do X, it makes me feel Y" formula to help keep things focused and non-accusatory.
I also say "man" like that still haha.
Yeah I feel ya, but I don't think that was him, knowing him. More likely it was some archaic notion that was a remnant from the 50s, that addressing your parents as anything other than "sir" or "ma'am" is improper, which he also unsuccessfully tried to push. He's dropped it now, though, which is good because it was just not gonna happen.
no, you're just an asshole.
No u
Crutch words suck ass. Go to Toastmasters.
"No."
It would require a feat of marketing to shift the definition used by the group. I think that's how it's generally done. Call it reasonable or unreasonable or whatever you like.