Ask Lemmy

There were no obvious reasons. An accumulation of life factors, like deaths in the family and job insecurity, led us both into a detached survival state, and her survival instinct is to run. There wasn't much warning, and it happened when I was away for a family event.

This hit me so hard that I bet everything on giving her space to see what she was missing and find the way back. That turned into years of no contact. When we did eventually get in touch again, it was clear that I made a mistake. Life had not been easy for her. We had both likely been going through some kind of breakdown, not knowing the other was experiencing the same.

We're now very close again in a lot of ways. I think it's fair to say we're more honest and trusting with each other than anyone else. We've both grown and matured significantly.

Unfortunately, distance from her family, and I sense some guilt over the whole thing has made it hard to fully reconcile. Now we're on opposite sides of the world. She's still struggling but determined to tick off some big life goals. It's no secret that I would go back to our old life together in a heartbeat, but having so much already weighing on her makes it difficult to even think about relationships.

I'm not sure what the lesson is there. I guess it's about remembering to look out for our own mental wellbeing, because without it we can't fully look out for those we care about.