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Restless Billionaire Regrets Having Infusion Of Child’s Blood After 4 P.M. (theonion.com)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by can@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works

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“I should’ve just taken a nap instead of popping open my blood boy fridge and getting a quick hit,” said the anxious fintech founder, noting that so much blood so late in the day was bad for his sleep schedule and he could already feel the middle schooler’s testosterone upping his heart rate.

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[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I would bet that some billionaires have chats that are akin to that at this very moment.

Even if the child blood is replaced with something like salmon sperm (or even ruby/diamond) facials or NAD+ injections.

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is parody on real things happening

[–] protist@mander.xyz 6 points 1 month ago

Don't forget Peter Thiel

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Yes I know, but the blood boy thing is probably rather more rare than non-blood related youth treatments in general.

Satire is getting bloody impossible though

[–] pickman_model@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

There are rich people who have tried already every fluid you can extract from a child, now salmon sperm facials, that's something I haven't heard before.