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RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid (theonion.com)

submitted 3 weeks ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] Glitterbomb@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The word mysterious ruins it for me. They always know damn well what it is. They will chug pesticide knowing full well its pesticide because these clowns told them to do it

[–] errer@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean if you swapped RFK Jr for Rick Perry you’d have a pretty accurate headline with no satire: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/11/us/politics/rick-perry-drug-psychedelics-ibogaine.html?unlocked_article_code=1.dk8.cpUf.XotB3zHLKRkD&referringSource=articleShare (gift link)

Mr. Perry’s hallucinations, induced by the powerful psychotropic drug ibogaine he had taken about 45 minutes before putting on his eye mask, continued for more than 12 hours. The experience was an ordeal. He vomited intermittently and lost much of his body coordination. It took all of Wednesday to recover.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

And he was in charge of the nukes? No joking?

Oh Mr bones, I would like off now

[–] tal@lemmy.today 2 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Pesticide can have no effect on humans. In fact, it's generally a desirable attribute of pesticide to not affect humans, to be a poison that only affects the target.

https://gizmodo.com/these-people-took-ddt-pills-in-the-1970s-to-prove-it-wa-1678385578

These People Took DDT Pills In the 1970s to Prove it Was Safe

In 1971 two people in North Hollywood started eating DDT pills every day. That’s right, they willingly swallowed 10mg of poison every single day for three months. In front of witnesses.

[–] Glitterbomb@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

That's great it still doesn't cure cancer or whatever mr brain worm is saying that week.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 3 points 3 weeks ago

Fair enough.

[–] too_high_for_this@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 weeks ago

That doesn't mean anything. You can swallow 10mg of cyanide and not feel anything. I still don't want it sprayed everywhere.