this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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Asklemmy

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Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

  • why / how did you pick your name?
  • how long have you known?
  • how long before you are done transitioning?
  • how long do you have to be on HRT?
  • is transgender like being transracial?
  • what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[โ€“] eureka@aussie.zone 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Somewhat related: Australia's state-funded ABC channel produced a Q&A documentary show called "You Can't Ask That" with an episode for transgender people. It might be harder to watch outside of Australia but it's worth the effort. The semi-related Drag episode was also fascinating. Disclaimer/CW: I haven't watched the full episode in years and suspect there might have been transphobia in some questions.

Official 2 minute teaser question: https://youtube.com/watch?v=GSilokmn8zI

(A couple of other countries had localised spin-off versions of the show but I haven't watched them.)

[โ€“] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago

That particular episode was one of the final steps in breaking down my own internal resistance to accepting myself.

[โ€“] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I might have to try to find this, thanks!

[โ€“] eureka@aussie.zone 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone mentioned the episode was particularly important, so if you can't find a copy (Australian VPN and iView throwaway account is ideal, maybe streaming services might have it?), I finally managed to find it and other episodes in lower quality for quick and easy access ๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿฆœ Let me know if you want it.

you are so sweet, thank you!