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traditional male spaces (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 weeks ago by Gustephan@lemmy.world to c/ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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I saw and was upset by the way trans men are treated in some of the other trans spaces on this platform about a month ago, and it has been making me think about yall a lot. It made me do some introspection about my own experiences, and I realized that trans men were either not present or not visible in the male spaces I (a cis man) was part of growing up. I saw another meme about gender affirming male lonliness, and it hit me with a "bro, you're just like me" kinda vibe.

My conclusion is that like... I want to try to more proactively accept and advocate for trans men. This is somewhat hampered by the fact that ive never known any trans men well, and I dont really know much about your experience. Bluntly, I'm a bit ignorant and I'd like to change that. I've got a few questions that I'll list below, but also like I'd love it if you want to just say hi and chat and tell me about yourself. Anyway, here goes

Do you engage in or participate in traditional male spaces?
If yes to 1, are you open about being trans in these spaces? Do you feel excluded or discriminated against in these spaces due to being trans?
If no to 1, do you want to be part of these spaces?

Finally, I want to apologize if this post is offensive. I promise that is not my intent, and if i am being offensive it is purely out of ignorance. If you do find me offensive, I would hugely appreciate if you explained how and why I am being offensive so I can try to learn from it and do better in the future

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[–] hexagon527@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks. Yeah trans men get so much shit, I don't even wanna get into it... What would you consider a traditional male space? The only place I can think of is the gym, but women go there too.

Either way... I don't really go out much though, tbh. I'm mostly a loner, just go to work, read books, play video games. Sometimes go out to a concert if I have the money. I don't have any IRL friends.

In my experience, guys just see me as some gay femboy instead of a trans man. I don't really come out unless it becomes relevant or I meet another queer person.

[–] Gustephan@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

What would you consider a traditional male space?

Huh, I had not considered that. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but pulling from my experience I'd list places like comic book shops or sports teams or garages/autohobby shops. I guess like, not places that specifically exclude women, but places where its more common to see groups of men than it is to see groups of mixed gender or groups of women.

In my experience, guys just see me as some gay femboy instead of a trans man

Wild. Do people like, openly treat you like that and acknowledge it, or is it more subtle than that?

Once again, I have to ask you to forgive my ignorance. Are "being a femboy" and "being a trans man" mutually exclusive? Like, is it dysphoric when people view you as a femboy, or does it bother you more generally because its a pervasive stereotype being applied to you?

[–] hexagon527@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 weeks ago

Are “being a femboy” and “being a trans man” mutually exclusive?

Nah, not at all, some trans men do identify as femboys or even twinks. Personally I don't get too into specific labels like that but I don't care if others see me that way. It can actually be the opposite of dysphoric, because the transphobic types will assume I'm a man who's trying to be femme or transitioning to a woman and emphatically call me sir like to remind me I'm a man, lol.

Do people like, openly treat you like that and acknowledge it, or is it more subtle than that?

Sometimes openly, yeah, I've had a coworker ask me if I was gay after weeks of like clearly wanting to say something. But usually it's more subtle, like in the way some guy in a group will talk to the other guys different from the way I get spoken to, or they share looks between each other like "this fuckin guy, eh." Or they'll joke about how I might need help lifting something because of how lanky I am. I'm obviously the bookish nerdy type not into sports and going to the gym, and I don't have a big build.

places like comic book shops or sports teams or garages/autohobby shops. I guess like, not places that specifically exclude women, but places where its more common to see groups of men

In my experience the treatment isn't that bad. It's like any time you're out among people you don't know, people are just polite. Maybe if I was on a sports team or went to the gym a lot it'd be different.