this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2025
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My favourite part has to be the fact that a box of poptarts contains 8 poptarts...
You sound like a knower of the poptart. Please explain to me what they taste like, I have never tried one.
You have to buy frosted. You have to toast them. Otherwise they’re just cardboard: you can’t really tell them apart from the box
Once every 2-3 years I forget what they're like, see a box on the shelves, and think hey they actually look quite fun.
Then I get it home and the contents look fuck all like the picture on the front, and also it tastes, not bad as such, but disappointing and definitely not worth the calories.
Cardboard
with old jam
Cheap garbage preservative junk food.
It’s trying to be some kind of fruit filled pastry. Imagine the cheapest ingredients you could source, to mass produce as many as possible with the longest shelf life possible. I think they probably come frozen? I haven’t had one since I was a kid like 30 years ago, and that would have been at a friends house because my parents wouldn’t but that crap.
I do eat other frozen type junk food though. Like frozen burritos. So it’s not like it’s beneath me or anything.
You're right about everything except the frozen part. They can just sit in a box in your cupboard because they're basically made of plastic.
They are incredibly flammable. Basically just a slab of glucose fructose.
Yeah I wasn’t sure on that part. That’s crazy that the filling is shelf stable and keeps.
The filling is like a bad taxidermy. You know what it is but it's just not right. Icing is more of the same. The biscuit(?) part is cake flavored cardboard.
Cancer
From what I've read, we've all eaten cancer in industry meat like pig and cow.
... Poptarts taste like steak?
No, like if cardboard got cancer and covered it in icing. Also the cancer is a sugary filling.