this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2025
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Sure, but there's a difference between hanging out with some 20 year olds, and being romantically involved with them.
The latter requires a hell of a lot of maturity and being in a similar place in life to deal with things life throws at you. The former just requires laughing at some meme together you both find funny.
Agreed! But we had solid conversations, deep and involved. I was astonished at how mature and educated they were, forgot what I was like at that age.
I've found papers I wrote for school in my teens, thought, "Oh boy, this is gonna be some bullshit." Read them and was surprised at my understanding of the world!
Guess my point is, I will never undersell the youth, not ever again. Dating someone half my age, meh, can't really see it, but I do see it as possible for some.
That's fair, and I would never say that youth are idiots or shouldn't be listened to. That's not true at all, I think they can have many valuable things to contribute to society, the conversation, the world, etc.
I'm strictly speaking about them as a romantic partner with such an age gap, especially one that starts when they're 17/18 and the person they're dating is in their 30's or more. Nobody can convince me that that would be an equal relationship for both parties. I've attempted it in my late 20's dating a few 18/19 year olds, and then again attempted it in my mid 30's and it was a significantly worse experience.
They weren't bad people in any way, or stupid, or immature in the pop-culture sense of the word. But the relationship was never going to work out, and it was because no matter which way you slice it, a mid 30's man and a 19 or 20 year old girl are not at the same place in life. If they are, then it's the older person who never grew up and is still behaving like a teenager.
All agreed! At 52 I considered a relationship with a 26-yo friend. If she didn't have 3 tiny children, maybe? But no, just couldn't see it working. I'd be 80 and her at 54? I'd be robbing her of her youth when she could have had a younger man to share that life with.
Funny enough, my Filipino wife is 6-months older than I, and she was fucking horrified to learn that. Her friends are all married to white dudes 20+ years older. Cultural thing. :)
Sometimes trading partnership for security is the way people go. I'm not saying it can't work, but it's rare that those partnerships are equal. The power imbalance is on display.
Lol I got downvoted for saying the same shit. Glad I'm not the only one who can see this.