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what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues? (linux.community)

submitted 3 days ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

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[–] blackbrook@mander.xyz 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Well if you both understand the problem (meaning the yelling and not listening) you could agree to a 'format'. Like, say, each having a turn taking for, say 10 minutes while the other truly listens without interrupting even if they believe that what they hear is wrong. That still be too hard and you may need a moderator, to help interpret, and draw attention to areas of misunderstanding. That is much of what relationship councillors do, facilitate communication which admittedly is hard.