Not sure where else to post this besides here…if it’s more appropriate somewhere else, please direct me there.
31, male, virgin, autism, bipolar, socially awkward, ostracized growing up, hit with the ugly stick.
I have decided to end the search for a romantic partner in the face of 100% failure over the past decade and a half. The idea that everyone has a soulmate is bullshit, and I’m one of the ones who doesn’t. I have not found anyone who seems to want me (there was a brief LDR but she was psychotic, as I quickly found, and things ended very shortly after they began), and given my near-total lack of experience I don’t see any point in making any further efforts.
I cannot change how anyone sees me nor can I compel anyone to view me in a certain light. Whatever flaws I possess in addition to those already mentioned are, apparently, deep-rooted and systemic to the point that I don’t know what I need to change about myself, nor do I think at this point that it’s even possible (or indeed worth it).
I have tried to make my peace with this. Every time I think I’ve done it, though, something comes up and I’m back to square one again. (This time around it was a random manic or mixed episode.) I am in therapy, but these matters persist in causing me negative effects on my mental and physical health. The term “touch-starved” has been applied to me, among others.
I need to put this issue to rest in order to actually move on and do things with my life. How do I subdue and get over the desire for companionship?
Hey man. I'm hoping for the best. One human to another.
This happened to me.
Something broke in my brain since the more I tried, the more it failed. I was focused on improving my quality of life (books, courses, training), and helping others with theirs (friends with moving, volunteer work, raising my hand at work events). I completely stopped pursuing romantic relationships.
At a random social event, I talked passionately about board games and this girl came up to me and I brought her into some board game sessions. I actively avoided any hint of flirting for months. Again, I was just looking to enrich people's lives. After a year and a few board game sessions, she made a move.
That was 15 years ago and we have two kids.