There's a canned answer you often see in response to this type of question: work on yourself, first.

The most annoying thing about that answer is that it's true. Even if it is a cliche.

You have given up on finding a partner, but have not really let go of the idea and still grieve over it. And you're right, being touch starved is an actual thing and it's a very hard, very depressing thing. All of this is 100% understandable. It's perfectly normal and natural. It's a very strong instinct, need, and desire to crave companionship.

But as you have said yourself (and this shows a lot of maturity and wisdom on your part): you can't control other people. They either like you or they don't. They're either available or they're not.

So try to focus on another truth: many people live happy, rich, rewarding lives on their own. It just takes work and practice, like anything else. They typically find something that drives them, engages them, and gives them purpose. Whether it's religion or charity work or volunteering or climbing a mountain or composing a symphony...well that part is entirely up to you. But try to find it, whatever it is, and get to work on it.

And some of those people, on rare occasions, get lucky and find someone to be a companion along the way. Usually when they were not looking for anyone, or had even given up on it. You can't expect this to happen for you. It's rare. But it can and does happen. Your chances are better when you are working on that specific THING that drives you and not chasing after ephemeral general "happiness".

And you may never find a romantic partner. But you can still make friends with people. And friendships are wonderful. Friendship may feel like a "snack" when you really need a "meal" but a snack is far, far, better than starvation. And friendships often form when you are pursuing that thing, whatever that thing is for you.

And here's a final truth that doesn't help you directly, but should give you some perspective: there are many, many, many people in romantic relationships and they are absolutely miserable. Getting into a romantic relationship is one thing, staying in one is another, and getting out of one is yet another. Having a romantic partner is great...but it also brings even more challenges and problems along for the ride. It doesn't really "solve" the working on you problem.

Do you have platonic friends? Humans need a community to be a part of, so if you don't have one you should start by finding one. Recognize that companionship comes in many different forms, not just romantically. Just because you have hit pause on pursuing romance, doesn't mean you should become a total hermit (unless that will make you happy, which it sounds like it wouldn't).

Find people with similar interests and hobbies you can connect over. Show up to places consistently so you can start to know the people who are doing the same things you are at the same time you do them.

Hey man. I'm hoping for the best. One human to another.

This happened to me.

Something broke in my brain since the more I tried, the more it failed. I was focused on improving my quality of life (books, courses, training), and helping others with theirs (friends with moving, volunteer work, raising my hand at work events). I completely stopped pursuing romantic relationships.

At a random social event, I talked passionately about board games and this girl came up to me and I brought her into some board game sessions. I actively avoided any hint of flirting for months. Again, I was just looking to enrich people's lives. After a year and a few board game sessions, she made a move.

That was 15 years ago and we have two kids.

Can you find some group therapy? You may find it beneficial to be with others who have similar troubles in a caring and understanding situation. It sounds like you have had some bad luck socially, which makes it easy/tempting to shut the world out, so learning to be open with others and to deal with difficult subjects with them may be beneficial to you in ways that one-on-one therapy cannot offer. It can also be helpful hearing others voicing their problems, as those may be things that affect you in ways you hadn't considered before too.

I mean I got cats

Being touch starved is a real thing. I can't believe I'm going to suggest this, but maybe talk with your therapist about whether it might benefit you to see a sex worker? I've known a couple men who were touch starved (not just sex starved) who benefitted from regular visits with a sex worker. Other than that, good regular massage could help. For both of those, seeing the same person over time seems like the best idea, even though it's not a romantic relationship. Also a dog, one who likes to cuddle and needs to be exercised daily, could improve your life.

Get yourself a hobby that you're truly passionate about. You might have to do a few hobbies to find out the one you like the most. Do not worry about being shitty at said hobby. You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. As you do the hobby more, you will get better with time.

With a good hobby and time, you'll wean your focus off of the heartbreak. The real 'soulmates' you meet in life are usually found in doing the shit you enjoy. Even if you don't meet someone, you'll be 100x happier than most.

Good luck friend.

You’ll be like that for a while. I think we all have some kind of longing for a deeper connection, but also know it’s not necessarily in the cards.

It’s been 3 years since I stopped looking, and while I was in a LTR before that, by the end I had realized I wasn’t the partner anyone deserved to be stuck with, a sentiment that was echoed by my partner at the time. (And was well deserved, I was/am an ass)

Eventually some of the pain fades and you can enjoy being alone, but it’s not easy, and certainly isn’t fun.

I’ve found hobbies that I can enjoy by myself and that’s been pretty much it. Being ok with going out alone is another hard one to get over, which I’m still working on.

I think the hard truth is it doesn’t get easier, it just bothers you a little less as time goes on. There’s something peaceful about living life entirely on your own terms with no responsibilities to anyone else. No need to consider a potential partner when doing activities, all of your space is your own and a bunch of other small things that I realize now I wouldn’t want to give up for a relationship.

Honestly, it's not that bad. You have more money and time to spend on what you enjoy. Don't have to have pointless arguments over insignificant stuff. Half the dishes to do, half the laundry, etc.

Does it get lonely? Yeah, sometimes. But compared to the alternative, being single isn't the worst option.

It’s hard to say what you could do to improve your situation without knowing you, and your diagnoses cannot be «fixed».
Being hit with the ugly stick however is something you can work on.
Do you excersize and stay in decent shape?
Do you groom regularly?
Do you pay attention to what you wear (no need to blow loads on fashion, but in general)?

All of those combined could bring you up a point or two, but your main issue is probably your lack of confidence, which is very understandable.

Confidence in who you are and you being awesome is, in my experience, everything.
You can fake it, but to truly build it you need to come to terms with the facts and love yourself.