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Haven’t dated in years.
If I did: someone that would accept that in my spare time I like to video game (and won’t beat up on me for doing that).
Someone that doesn’t smoke or vape
Someone that will not get mad that I have a 5.1 theater on the main TV, or that I use a TiVo to record my shows.
Someone that isn’t ugly. Sorry but if I don’t find you attractive then the answer is no.
You don’t need large breasts but you need something there.
Also someone that can handle that I like sci-fi and fantasy movies.
And you need to make about what I make a year. It can be more, but not less. If you make less , then that means financially you can’t pay your monthly bills. I can support myself but on my income I can’t support two people.
Unless you're barely scraping by, I don't understand how not making the exact amount of money you're making at least means they can't pay their monthly bills. 🤔
That’s basically what it means. I get my monthly bills paid and have enough left over to put into a retirement fund, with a little more for a trip every 2 or 3 years.
If she is making less then that then which of those three do I give up? Retirement? Life (doing something other than working)? Monthly bills?
A shared life is probably cheaper than two separate lives. Two people paying for one home tends to be cheaper per person than one person paying for one home. If you both are going to an event, then you only pay for the gas that goes into one car instead of two cars. Insurances and taxation might vary from place to place as to if they are cheaper per person as a couple.
She might also have a different lifestyle that is overall less expensive (ex. more frequently cooking at home instead of eating out, shopping at cheaper stores).
Username checks out
So please explain to me why it is bad for me to say that I do not want to lose one of those three?
It's not. It is just short-sighted and misses the point of relationships.
Jobs change, tomorrow it might be you unemployed. A relationship is about working together as a team, over time and through changes, and about the valuable experience of sharing those experiences with another person.
Otherwise why bother. Just get a hooker or find causal sex partners.
Yeah, times changed and things change. And yes, relationships are good. But why would I date somebody who makes so little money that they can barely feed themselves? All that does at the end of the day means I’m basically Support them and not really be able to add to my retirement fund or any of the other things that I’ve listed.
Maybe in your country, the government supports you when you stop working. In the United States they don’t. You don’t have enough money to retire on and you are well and truly fucked. Please don’t even try to say oh but you have Social Security, Social Security with the way it’s going probably won’t exist by the time I go to retire. Even if it does exist, it’ll have so little money in there would be pointless anyways.
Here’s a good question for you. Would you date somebody if you knew that you’re dating them would cause them serious financial hardship.?
So you would be okay with being dumped the moment you lose your job or don't make 'enough' money for the other person's tastes? Happy even, for the other person?
It's just incredibly naive to believe that relationships work like that. What is going to make it or break it is the every day interaction and how you relate to each other as humans. Not only what you are but what you can be, jobs come and go. You are selecting a person to share your days, your time outside work.
But sure, I hope your 'if you're poor you're not enough for me' sigma grindset mentality finds you happiness.
That's what dating is like for a man. You are only as good as your paycheck or how much you spend on the last date/vacation. You are seen as a failure as a male partner if you are not continually providing. Sounds like you haven't had the experience of dating as a man.
It's a basic functional reality of most relationships. Sort of like looks. Most people dump people when they stop being physically attracted to them or wanting to have sex with them.
Thank you you get it
yeah well dating is very gendered... but oftentimes people absolutely refuse to acknowledge it and project their weird ideals onto other folks.
fwiw i am in the same boat as you. every partner i had refused to be financially responsible. and a lot of them straight up lied about it too. as in I told them I was looking for someone who was financial stable, they said they were... and they were not and only revealed this to me months/years later. and I ended it and they saw me as this evil bad guy... lol
I am just way happier alone than I'd ever be having to support a second person on a single salary. To me that feels like a glorified form of prostitution. But a lot of men and women are seeking that kind of arrangement.
Sorry to hear you've had that experience. You're more than the value capitalism says you have.
Cheers.
I am, but that doesn't mean other people don't see me that way. and i have no control over that.
i do a lot of volunteer work, but a lot of my dates think it is stupid and dumb because it's not about making money or spending it.
I noticed you didn’t answer my last question.