this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2025
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What other great opening lines do you know?. (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 days ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world
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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 16 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I remember finding a Shadow Warrior novel (based on the video game) and I only remember how it opened because it was batshit insane. Lo Wang is at a restaurant trying to decide what to get weighing the pros and cons of getting some fish thing that he knows would give him major gas and he didn't want to upset some woman he was going to be with latwr by stinking up the joint, when a bunch of the big bad's ninjas show up and try to kill him. He easily kills them all, and at one point cuts one of their noses off and flicks it into the bowl of soup another patron looking on in horror had ordered, while Wang thinks to himself that guy is gonna take the nose home to show his children and tell the story about how Lo Wang stopped a bunch of evil ninjas.

I read this in high school and even as a teen who loved that shit, I thought it was cringe af. Like a wild fanfic you'd find on a blog or forum. Yet I paid money for it in a book.

[–] SnoringEarthworm@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Found it. For Dead Eyes Only.

Wang, without seeming to slow the spinning knives, snipped off a small piece of the assassin's nose and caught it in his left hand, holding it up for the assassin to see.

“Looks like chicken,” Lo Wang said, turning the hunk of nose around in front of the man. “Chicken a favorite of mine.” Wang smiled, spun the hunk of nose around slowly in his fingers, licking his lips, and then tossed the nose over his shoulder so that it landed near the businessmen behind the bar. They could keep it as a souvenir of their lunch. Maybe even dip it in plastic, mount it on a nice plaque, and hang it over the fireplace. Then when telling the story to their grandchildren, they could point to the hunk of nose with pride.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

It's a shame the rest of the book must have been boring compared to this, since I do not remember anything else. I wish I still had it. But I'm assuming it was pretty easy to find, considering you got the whole chunk of it I was thinking of and my description didn't even do it justice. 🤣

[–] SnoringEarthworm@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago

The nose bit was just so... extra. It's one of those things that sticks with you.

[–] SolSerkonos@piefed.social 6 points 4 days ago

I thought it was cringe af. Like a wild fanfic you’d find on a blog or forum. Yet I paid money for it in a book.

Tbf, Shadow Warrior in general has always struck me like that. Ridiculously over the top to the point of being cringe, but it's so clearly intentional it circles back to being funny. To me at least.