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How To Join ICE (theonion.com)

submitted 1 day ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social

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As Immigration and Customs Enforcement seeks to increase its presence across the country, the agency is actively recruiting new agents to carry out the Trump administration’s mass deportation campaign. The Onion breaks down how to join ICE.

STEP 1 Be born with something just…missing

STEP 2 Try deporting a few neighbors without the constitutional authority to do so, to see if it’s for you

STEP 3 Unlearn any secondary languages you may know

STEP 4 If filling out the application form presents a challenge, candidates may instead demonstrate how hard they can punch a dog

STEP 5 Undergo background check confirming at least one prior arrest for a violent crime

STEP 6 Click through six-step combat training module

STEP 7 Order police vest from www.costumecorner(dot)com

STEP 8 Grab gun from gun bucket

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[–] ltxrtquq@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

The ads open with video of each metro’s familiar skyline and the narrator’s voice announcing, for example, “Attention, Miami law enforcement.” Beyond that, the spots are identical, inviting officers to “join ICE and help us catch the worst of the worst. Drug traffickers. Gang members. Predators,” according to a review of the ads on the ad-tracking service AdImpact.

The 30-second spots began running in mid-September in Albuquerque, New Mexico; Boston; Chicago; Denver; New York; Philadelphia; Sacramento, California; Seattle; and Washington, D.C. Adding to the list a week ago: Atlanta; Dallas; El Paso, Texas; Houston; Miami; Salt Lake City; and San Antonio.

As of Monday, total spending on the ads had topped $6.5 million, with the most spent since mid-September being $853,745 in the Seattle area. However, Atlanta saw the most in the past week, more than $947,000, according to AdImpact.

from apnews

They're just going after the police. Because why not

[–] Mirshe@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Because it's way easier to convert cops to what amounts to a federalized police force than to recruit random civies and vet them. You can just assume any cop that applies is going to be onboard with everything.