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this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2023
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Is it never ending because that person continues to make choices that keep them in that situation? Is your relationship with that person structured around their suffering and you are simply a dumping ground for them to unload on? If so, you may be a friend to this person, but they may not be a friend to you. This may be one of those to cut off.
Alternatively, is this person could simply have too much "life" going on through no fault of their own (many times this is hard to judge of others). Even so, if they are your friend, then they will care about you too. You can have an open dialogue with them and let them know that you are beyond your safe limits in being exposed to their problems. Figure out how much for yourself you're willing to expose yourself to this person and communicate this boundary. If they are your friend, they'll respect you, and your boundary. If they get angry with you for this or boundary stomp on you, then they aren't your friend (or they're not mature enough to be a healthy friend).
Ignore everything else I've posted before. For this moment I will "be there" for you and take my own advice when I said "if the self destructive things come, give the hard talk they need to hear"
Forgive my language, but this is Bullshit! Unless this other person is curing cancer or stopping World War III, then your life NOT objectively far less important or meaningful. You are NOT disposable. I don't know where you got these ideas, but this mental model, over the long term, will destroy you as a person.
You are NOT in a place to be able to support others. You need to spend time on yourself and find the source of this idea that you are worth less than others. I highly recommend seeking help from professionals equipped to help with this. Don't be ashamed to seek it either. None of us are born with everything we need to sort out this crazy world and our own place in it. However, there are developed skills that can immensely help. Given enough time maybe you could fix this on your own, but it may take 30 or 40 years. Take the shortcut. See a professional that can help you zero in on this.
It's definitely the latter. They got dealt some shitty things in life and there's not much to be done about some of these things. I don't think I could ever tell them that it bothers me. They really don't overburden me or do it incessantly or anything. I'm just not good at being a friend about it.
I don't mean that my life is worthless. However, objectively, some people's lives are worth more than others. Whose life is worth more? A heart surgeon or a serial killer? A 99 year old man who has already lived his life or a 25 year old father supporting 3 children? If you could only save one or the other in any of these scenarios, I know who everyone would pick.
Sure, most of the time it's not an overly obvious line like that. But objectively, my life is far less important than the people I am talking about in the OP. It's just a fact of life. And I both care about these people and recognize this. If I were talking about others in my life, the line would not necessarily be as clear. I don't think it makes me mentally ill for recognizing this.
However, I will say I looked into therapy somewhat recently and was amazed at how expensive it was. $200 per session after insurance. No idea how people afford it.