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this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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Asklemmy
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Exactly. I self medicated for over a decade, then attempted to stop. Went insane; was wild.
Withdrawal is so much worse than people make it out to be. When the physical part stops, the mental part remains forever.
When I was an addict, I was able to stare down a gun in my face with no fear. Now, I may have a panic attack when my boss says they want to talk to me. Even though I know that is a human experience, once you know there is an off button, it is very hard to resist the temptation.
Luckily, I invested in people and activities that make it embarrassing/impossible for me to be that way again. It is part of my ongoing strategy to make relapse not worth it.
I still have dreams though.
Yeah well said.
I had to change a lot about life and manage my anxiety carefully. I have to stay away from social media/drama, keep only a couple close friends, walk slower, meditate, stay busy with work and hobbies. And I have to make sure everyone that I’m around is aware of my alcohol allergy - to keep me honest.
Once upon a time I was heavily involved with the church, small groups, kids ministries, etc and the treatment I got from that world during my battle to quit drinking was unreal. Even thinking about that friend group, including my ex-wife, really raises my anxiety.
I went from being very religious to hating the modern church but having a deep spiritual and personal relationship with a higher power.