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this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023
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I'm not really helping at all because I almost never talk to her friend. I've barely had the opportunity because he's only been over once and I was mostly busy while he was here. But I hope my daughter is helping by being a good friend and accepting him for who he is, not who society wants him to be.
If you want to, making your place and time available and showing some interest is awesome. It is definitely above and beyond parenting to offer to be there for your kid's crew. Just having spaces you know your presence isn't just tolerated but actually welcome is in short supply when you are a kid and sometimes regular kids, not even trans ones, learn to expect their presence to be a burden.
The first few times friends would have dinner with my parents they would be wary and have their guards up. They just didn't know how to react to an adult who was not their parent showing interest in the stuff they were up to. It was in many ways their first brush with adults socially treating them like they would an adult and giving their interests and work a sense of weight. I know it's not for everyone, sometimes parents just don't have the resource of time or mental energy to be there that way... But if you are looking for a way to be a lighthouse in the storm it's an option.
I try to be a friendly dad and I'm good at making my daughter and her friends laugh (my days doing standup finally paid off!), so that helps. Now if only I could get my daughter to invite him over again. It's harder to convince her to do it now that they're not in school together and she's becoming more introverted, but I'm trying to change that.