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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)

submitted 11 months ago by Goronmon@lemmy.world to c/games@lemmy.world

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[-] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 168 points 11 months ago

They get him on the stand and the judge says " so Mr Newell, remembering you are under oath, when is Half Life 3 being released?"

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 53 points 11 months ago

*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

[-] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 39 points 11 months ago

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 33 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

[-] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 19 points 11 months ago

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

“Bailiff, seize him.”

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

[-] Omniraptor@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago

This is how we win

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago

Lmao this is great

[-] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 36 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

[-] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 1 points 11 months ago

No comment.

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago

Does "no comment" count as an answer?

[-] TheBat@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

"There is no Half-Life 3, there will be no Half-Life 3."

[-] Igloojoe@lemm.ee 8 points 11 months ago

Half life alyx was hl3

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 7 points 11 months ago

Forget HL3; where's HL2: Episode 3? I wanna know what the fuck happened to that garden gnome I carried all the way from the beginning to the rocket at the end.

[-] arefx@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 months ago

If this happened I think Gabe would just say "it's not happening, not at least the way you all want" and then we get some half life cyberchip augmented reality game in another 15 years (it is good though)