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this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2023
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Asklemmy
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A computer with lists of winning lottery numbers, stock prices by day of all major companies, archived copies of webpages or, preferably, scanned in newspaper articles of all world events from 1999 until now, and lists of every politician and individual with net worths over $300 million.
Also patents for LCD screens, the microchips in use in the 10's and now, the efficient solar panels China cranks out if I can get a hold of that information, modern efficient wind turbines, etc. Also important scientific papers written between then and now, especially for Ozempic and Wegovy.
Also, this might be the one practical use for dumb shit like Chat GPT and its ilk, so we're bringing along a couple of GPUs and copies of each major open source AI I can scramble up.
I use this information to:
Hopefully prevent 9/11
Become filthy fucking rich
Infiltrate the elite and start bumping off motherfuckers one by one Count of Monte Cristo style
Distribute my ill gotten gains to the masses and use the rest to stop climate collapse
#EatTheRich
Please don’t get rid of 9/11, without it we wouldn’t have WKUK
They are so talented they did not need 9/11 to have a hilarious TV show
9/11 was happening so they ran into a dorm room that could see the towers from the window
That room ended up being Timmy’s
Okay, if it's that important just throw a party and introduce them that way.
If you need them to trauma bond, kidnap the fuckers, pistol whip them a little bit and then let them escape from their own ingenuity.
:O I could never hurt Timmy Weems
If you put it on a scale between bruising Timmys face with the butt of a pistol and saving 3,000 lives on one day and tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of lives in the interim between due to the post 9/11 increase in American policing and military actions in other countries, then not pistol whipping him would be a crime against humanity for which you should be tried at the Hague and hung.