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this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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The employment came after the relationship and continued after it. I think that's a key difference that isn't conveyed in the headline. Yeah ethically he shouldn't have hired someone he was in that kind of relationship in, but at the time I'm sure it felt like a reasonable thing to do. Infatuation is like that.
Also saying dom/sub has to stay a fantasy is a different suggestion altogether and one I disagree with although perhaps only by degrees. It depends a lot on how real you allow for a fantasy to be. Ultimately there should be a safe word that allows a sub to withdraw consent at any time and so consent is always certain even if it's being vehemently denied by both people. In that manufactured ambiguity is where the excitement lies for many people.
The thing most people don't realise is in a dom/sub relationship it's actually the sub who has all the power. They can withdraw consent etc. any time they want Having someone you're in a relationship with directly reporting to you is problematic and most companies would explicitly not permit it.
At the time hiring her seemed a reasonable thing to do. And therein lies the test of a person's character. And what we're seeing is the consequence of a failure of his character.
And yes, if you seek excitement in the ambiguity, you can absolutely choose to do that. Some people like risk. Some people like skydiving. No one should be surprised that occasionally the parachute doesn't open. We can be sad that the situation ended like this, but not surprised.