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There are some different way you can achieve many of these. There are like the cloud collaboration suits, and syncthing way
For this you can have something like nextcloud or it's alternatives, or syncthing with decsync, or a separate caldav service
I personally use jellyfin + transmission. I'm still trying to set up *arr suite, but it's not working, then I could use something like jellyseer. But transmission is working well anyway
Ugh, Nextcloud. It is always touted but it is such a pain to set up properly, and then it is slow as molasses.
I've tried, and I've tried the similar suite from Synology, but in the end always come back to the Google system - much as I hate to admit it, Google "just works".
Nextcloud is literally "Jack of all trades, master of none". It tries to do EVERYTHING, and it fails to be even decent in most of these things...
I actually like it, i'm using deck, cospend, share folders, manage some projects, send other people shares
For me it feels perfect, I don't need to manage different services and know them in depth
Other people just need to create one account and we can do all the stuff by using our names, you know
For me nextcloud "just works"
I'm also loving Nextcloud for a simple way to do a bunch of simple things. Installing with AIO wasn't so hard (though I plan to migrate to NixOS someday), and it introduces me to a bunch of things I can do (such as making links for shared folders with random people, no login required for them) without my having to learn a ton different specialised things.
Most of what I want to do I feel in principle there should be a better way (e.g. syncthing plus a web-frontend file server) but there's always a weak point somewhere.
Especially that Nextcloud had decent apps for both Android and iPhone.
True, it's a bit slow, takes most of my low-budget VPS's memory, and doesn't always work the way I'd like etc. but it's great for me for now.
I'm already on nixos, so nextcloud is not a pain anymore
I'm fully agree on all the points you mentioned
I run nextcloud on a es i9 with so much ram I don't remember how much exactly, 32 or 64
P.s. I believe the future of selfhosted cloud is based on syncthing, has some e2e encryption, and vpn integrated
We need some more volunteers to run relays :-)
Ed: or maybe ipv6 will solve everything one day