this post was submitted on 23 Jan 2024
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Ah yes, be 100% ok with sharing your partner, or you're insecure.
Right. Some people handle this well, others are not open to it. Willingness to adhere to monogamy is a thing that varies from person to person and must be discussed in any relationship. Ethical nonmonogamy is a thing, but it's not for everyone, and it is a lot of communication and intimate work.
I find the notion of ENM peculiar. Just the name starting with ethical gives it an 'exception to the rule' feel, that the default is unethical.
It's like the terms open or swingers (which is a slightly separate thing I get, but in the same space) didn't exist before or are no longer acceptable.
I think ethical nonmonogamy casts a wider net. I wouldn't call myself a swinger. I don't do parties or anything like that. But I'm still not monogamous and it's still not cheating since my partner and I have an existing arrangement and regular check-ins.
I guess I'm more getting at the term itself than the concept. People for a while have sometimes said 'we have an open relationship' which to my mind is functionally the same thing. The other nearest option would be non-partnered in which case a title isn't needed anyhow.
The part that seems weird to me is by specifically labeling it as ethical, it implies that the standard non-monogomy is unethical which seems like a strange stance to tie a lifestyle to if usable terms exist.
Just the philosophical musings of a fairly vanilla middle age dude navigating the modern social world though. 🙂
Braindead comments are indicative of massive cerebral trauma.
I mean, I wouldn't want to deal with the mental gymnastics involved with my significant other getting down with other people
I think they were reacting to the "no one can appear even if it was an old video before we met" part.
I mean, there's still mental gymnastics going on there. For me at least
That's a neat story you got there, but literally nobody here is saying they do own someone else.
I think most people here agree with you, it's just that the way you're speaking to them comes off as judgemental and kinda mean, so they respond accordingly.
I said nobody here. I.e. these comments, the people you said think that. Would you like a participation trophy for your reading comprehension?
I mean we're just chatting, but for some reason it feels like you're yelling
Haha yeah, only 75% of your comment was attempting to be insulting in some way! How could anybody think you're being an ass? Poe's law sure is crazy.
I'm sorry for not going into further detail?? You've used belittling or downright insulting language in like 5/7 of your comments in this thread now. And the small page of profile digging I had to do to find those shows it's not just this thread you've got an attitude in. Maybe you're the problem and not everybody else?
The problem is that so far literally nobody has disagreed with you. Some people have said that open relationships aren't for them, and then you went and said they're claiming they own people??
Please point to a single instance where somebody has said they own someone else, or that they think open relationships are disgusting or some shit. No, I imagine we all understand how healthy relationships work but you're too busy putting words in our mouths to see that you're insulting people over things they never said.
Lol
No ownership, but sharing time. I want to buy a house not a time-share. I want that deep emotional connection with someone. I don't have the capacity to have more than one deep connection and would like someone similar. If my partner chooses they want something open, that's fine, but we would transition to friends
Yes, but the vast majority of us do have some insecurities and you can at least be honest with yourself and your partner about them.
Ha, C&E are actually relationship needs of mine, friend.
In fact, I think the others are more indicative of my insecurities, but hey, I'm not anxious-avoidant so I don't know for sure.
Im someone for whom C is a necessity like the person you're responding too and I think you're 100% right.
It may not be a nessesarily pathological insecurity, but it absolutely is an insecurity.
If I felt more secure I'd probably be able to deal with it. I don't think that means im a necessarily insecure person, or am someone for whom insecurity is a clinical problem, but at least comparatively that makes it an insecurity.
You can get depressed and not have depression, you can get insecure and not be an insecure person, heck you can even maintain a healthy amount of anxiety. These are essentially just human traits and there's no shame in admitting that I have a trait that's at least a little rooted in insecurity so long as it doesn't negatively impact my life.