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How do I stop a crush from developing further? (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by throwawaysalami@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn't be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.

So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.

Edit: I am single btw.

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[-] andrewrgross@slrpnk.net 97 points 10 months ago

Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.

Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you're explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it's course.

And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they're just a friend again.

[-] throwawaysalami@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

Holy shit, you're a mad genius! Definitely gonna try this! thanks!

[-] sbv@sh.itjust.works 26 points 10 months ago

I'm 90% sure your instructor is a compulsive nose picker.

[-] gilokee@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

me too

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 10 months ago

I heard that your instructor uses windows (🤢)

[-] WhiteHawk@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

How else would they get fresh air in their room?

[-] tuxtey@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

More concerned from the stalker perspective

[-] Bakachu@lemmy.world 29 points 10 months ago

This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it'd be going back to an ex or something.

[-] Bunnylux@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

This made me sad to the core. What's the point of life

[-] andrewrgross@slrpnk.net 24 points 10 months ago

I'm sorry if I bummed you out! For what it's worth, I think you're misreading this!

This exercise isn't supposed to reflect an inevitability to relationships becoming unfulfilling. It's just a tool to recover the ability to see people in a balanced and realistic way instead of through the uncontrollably lens of puppy love.

I'm in a long term relationship, well past the point of early infatuation, and I can tell you that that feeling is replaced by a different kind of love that I enjoy just as much. Long term relationships shouldn't be scary, they're wonderful. But when you're smitten, simulating the evolution in how you feel about someone as you get to know them is just a way to remove the effects of a crush.

Don't be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.

[-] HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 months ago

Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.

Joke's on you; I don't have those.

[-] JustZ@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

To let go. Clinging is the source of all suffering.

this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024

165 points (94.1% liked)

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