Hello. I'm going through a rough period and I need to take some things of my chest. I am a trauma survivor diagnosed with CPTSD. Although professionally and financially I am fairly successful, I am a deeply unhappy person.
My condition stems from a history of neglect and abuse from my family along from bullying at school. I always lacked someone to talk about my problems, so I grew up without a safe person to talk about my problems. I am not very social and I prefer solitude. I was born from a poor family in a 3rd world country. My life has always been about survival and trying to "get out of the hole". I eventually immigrated to a 1st world country and found my financial stability. I made my career the focus of my life. It works for me most of the time.
Recently I got laid off, so that impacted my mental health. Although I dislike this job and I was considering leaving, I cannot shake off the feelings that "I'm not enough". My work is not good these days. I am just counting the days before my termination becomes effective. Every time I make a mistake I beat myself up, I hear the much hated voice of my father pointing out the errors.
I know I am going through a rough patch and that eventually things will get better, but every day is uphill. I am fortunate that through therapy I have learned ways to ground myself and not let my negativity consume me, but it is painful.
Thanks for creating this space to share. All the best to those who struggle with mental health issues.
Many of us have fallen into the trap of building our identity around our work, and that's great until it isn't, which is what you're experiencing right now.
One good thing that might be hard for you to see is that probably many of your coworkers don't care what the bosses think and they don't care about why you're being laid off. With luck, some of them will be your friends after you leave that place.
Another thing to keep in mind is that most of the time when the bosses decide who to promote and who to let go, they're doing so for the wrong reasons. Or at least, they're doing so for reasons that are different from what your reasons would be. Sometimes it's interesting to figure out what their favorite metrics are. Sometimes it's frustrating, though.
I agree. I have been working on shifting my identity from work to things that bring vitality to my life. Work sucks vitality out of my life to be honest. I didn't gel very well with my team, I was not for very long in this position. It was a remote-work one that is moving to an office in a different city just a few months after I jointed. This was the reason of my termination. I am not too worried about my coworkers or my boss. But as you say, it is frustrating. Thanks for your message, being able to express myself has been of great help.