6
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by Adori@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

Been with this guy for 3 years now, I have been making plans in my head for when we are able to move in together, while unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship we still had a lot in common and were able to enjoy our time online together playing videogames and watching movies with the occasional visit once every 4 months or so for a week.

Such a pretty relationship, I feel, like I'm enjoying his company throughout my days of studying and university. But anyways, he feels like he doesn't want to try to make our relationship workout anymore, so basically breaking up with me. I told him before I let him finish, that I'm gonna be a bit stubborn and still go ahead with my visit in 10 days to go talk to him in person to actually do this. He sighed, and said that he owes me that atleast. This is the 3rd time he's trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he'd wait for me and that he won't break up with me again and that I'd be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends. I'm not sure, part of me wants to still go and do agree we need to break up and just leave the relationship without a sour taste in the mouth, and maybe in the future be friends again.

Edit: Feeling better bout the break up now, I do know I'm not getting back together with them and probably not gonna talk to them for a very long time. I've reached out and made a new friend and I'll keep on trying to find new ones to help with the being lonely part. Looking forwards to it

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 4 points 8 months ago

This is the 3rd time he’s trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he’d wait for me and that he won’t break up with me again and that I’d be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I know you like him, but that second time should have been the sign to walk (if the first one wasn't enough).

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends.

If there's no chance of a compromise between the two positions (ie don't visit, say you get the message but you can stay friends. Just as long as you know that, a few months from now, you won't be trying to talk him into giving it another chance) then I suppose you go with the latter option.

[-] Adori@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

Yeah this does sound like the better option, it's not like I'm the one apologizing.

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 3 points 8 months ago

I don't know either of you or your dynamic but it looks almost inevitable that, if you flew out there and talked it through, you'd agree to give things another go. Then a few months later you'd be right back at this point again.

He's said he doesn't want the relationship to continue three times, you need to accept that and do whatever you feel you need to do to ensure it doesn't happen a fourth time as this isn't good for either of you. If that means cutting off all contact then so be it.

[-] Adori@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

I do feel like that way too, I do know that this time it really is better if i dont continue this relationship.

this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2024
6 points (87.5% liked)

Relationship Advice

8 readers
1 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS