817
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2023
817 points (95.6% liked)
Mental Health
3757 readers
3 users here now
Welcome!
This is a safe place to discuss, vent, support, and share information about mental health, illness, and wellness.
Thank you for being here. We appreciate who you are today. Please show respect and empathy when making or replying to posts.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules
1-Posts promoting paid products and services of any kind are not allowed here.
2-All posts and comments must be helpful and supportive. Do not put vulnerable people at risk.
3-Do not DM or ask to speak privately to any of our members unless they specifically request it.
If a person from this community disturbs you in a comment, please report the comment. If you receive a DM you did not request, send a screenshot of the DM in a message to a moderator. This is a bannable offense.
4-Suicide, Self-Harm, Death-- Extended discussions are STRONGLY DISCOURAGED here. First, mods and community members are caring people, but not experts in crisis situations. Second, we want to avoid Lemmy becoming like many commercial social media platforms, where comments can snowball into counterproductive talk.
If you or someone you know needs more help than can be found here, please refer to the pinned resources.
If BRIEF mention of these topics is an important part of your post, please flag your post as NSFW and include a (trigger warning: suicide, self-harm, death, etc.)in the title so that other readers who may feel triggered can avoid it. Please also include a trigger warning on all comments mentioning these topics in a post that was not already tagged as such.
Partner Communities
- Therapy
Neurodegenerative Disease Support
Friends and Family of People with Addiction
To partner with our community and be included here, you are free to message the current moderators or comment on our pinned post.
Community Moderation
Some moderators are mental health professionals and some are not. All are carefully selected by the moderation team and will be actively monitoring posts and comments. If you are interested in joining the team, you can send a message to ZenGrammy for more information.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
It's good that he's been able to find help, it's good that he's advocating for more help. But let's be real. For most of us in the here and now, we're better off hiding it.
Being honest about mental illness is a great way to get fired or never work again. Especially if you can't afford or don't have access to help.
If anyone has tips for disguising long gaps on a cv, that would be genuinely helpful.
Long COVID
Taking care of a sick relative
Helping with a completely made up company that your sibling made that they unceremoniously gave up on before launch
Especially now in the USA where every job application asks if you're disabled; listing anxiety and depression as disabilities. HR would never use that against anyone... I refuse to identify on my applications, but I don't know if that's a black mark against me. It makes me more anxious and depressed.
Failed start up.
If it times right, you worked at circuit city or bed bath and beyond or another defunct company. There's no company to verify this with.
Oh wow, somehow I missed the news that Bed Bath and Beyond had gone bankrupt.
As a person who has done a lot of interviewing don't lie. Good chance you'll give yourself away and come across as dishonest. Do say something basically true but without detail and that is something the interviewer can't follow up on. Examples:
"I had some savings built up and I took some time off to travel/hike/paint." If you want to embellish: "I'm really thankful I had that opportunity and I'm looking forward to this next step/building my career/opportunity/blah blah".
"I needed to take some time off to care for a family member." (You're a family member, right?)
etc. Make it something personal that they shouldn't follow up on. As an interviewer I want to know your experience and you should come across as honest. I don't want to know your personal life. If someone asks follow up questions about the sick family member you really want to avoid working there.
Personally I rarely ask about gaps, but some recruiters and interviewers will just do that to check the box.
So be honest but don't share personal stuff.
Your mileage may vary of course. I've only hired in the US where corps like to fact-check any dates you give, but in a rare success for labor laws and precedent, no rational company will confirm anything other than dates of employment and if you are "eligible for rehire". Meaning if you want to leave a company off your resume and say it was personal time it's unlikely you'd be found out. For higher level jobs though I still recommend minimalist honesty.
Also is a great way to watch all your friends disappear.
Fucking magical.
This is terrible advice. Just terrible. And largely untrue. I had over a decade gap in my cv and claimed it was due to "running my own business". When I got a good job it had infrastructure to support mental health and my life made me ashamed to ask for help. Luckily, I've had managers who aren't ashamed to ask if I need help and I've had opportunities to get support. More importantly, I had three relationships where I didn't ask for help because I was ashamed and it took a very special person to tell me to seek therapy that turned a lot of my shame around.
You're operating on shame. Regardless of how you feel about seeking help, please at least recognise that and do what you can to be open about your feelings and sense of self.
You are lucky to have a company that supports you.
When I was honest about mental health issues and took doctor mandated mental health leave, I was fired for unrelated reasons, but told to my face that it was because I had been to honest. This was at a fortune 500 company.
Now imagine what it's like for someone working construction or a low level job. This is the reality for many many people. Hell, people were fired for not turning up to work with covid. There are literal laws in the US which prohibit companies firing people with cancer. They'd do that too if they could get away with it.
Be glad that it isn't your reality, be angry that it still happens and act/vote accordingly, but do not discount the very real experiences of those less fortunate. Reflect on your privileged position and realise your experience is not universal.
Lie. Say they gave you an NDA. They lie all the time and make it so that your job description could fit any position they need you to fill when that person is out or they layoff people. Just lie. Fuck ‘em.
Just put self employed or flat out lie.
Yeah. I tried talking about once with my grandma because I had been failing college courses after my mom lied about vitamin pills and forced me to take them, (they were prozac) and it fucked with my brain chemistry so bad I couldn't eat or sleep and the world felt like a dream where anything outside a small bubble simply didn't exist to my brain. Like I could see it but my brain would not acknowledge it's existence. The exact words I got back from her were "What such bullshit!" in a very angry tone.
I haven't even been able to think about mentioning anything related to my anxiety and depression since then to anybody I know irl because I'm afraid of that response again. There's a really bad social stigma in the states about only weak minded people have mental disorders and we can't get the help we desperately need. It's especially worse if you're a male because then you're not real man in the eyes of your peers. It makes trying to function at work nearly impossible, it makes trying to go out and do basic errands difficult, it makes keeping social relationships difficult. I've lost count of the friends I've lost contact with because all I want to do is just sit in a dark quiet room by myself most days. The isolation is crushing. I have a friend that keeps trying to get me to "come back" as it were and I'm trying, I really am but I struggle to find the energy to do so and I don't know what to do anymore at 36 years old. Life gets just a little shitter every day and I already feel like I'm well beyond my breaking point and the only think keeping me going is fear of being homeless.
You can always say you were self employed doing consulting.
These, most certainly these. Also, do not forget to "white font" to get past AI filters. 🤘🏼
(ie. Feed the job description into ChatGPT, and have it pull out the keywords, then add them to your cover letter/resume and change their color to white to make them only legible to the AI filters — get that Grade A USDA Approved stamp and progress to the next stage of livestock assessment, fellow pleb.)
Start your own personal business. Doesn't matter what you do, and whether you do anything at all.
Works great as a cover for whatever the fuck you've been doing during that time period. Gives a bit of flexibility regarding the storytelling about your own experience and roles as well.
Just make shit up. Shit that no one can verify of course.
Regarding dealing with the gaps in resume. You can deflect by saying you were dealing with health issues, either personally or those of a family member. Both are truthful, you are a member of your own family, right. Tbh I was super psyched out about applying for jobs after a few years of doing nothing and not really having anything to say about it. I had a recruiter friend who I was completely honest with suggest this to me and it worked! People interviewing you do not want to pry into health issues. They want to hire you. They don't want to ask awkward questions. They want to see if you know your shit and will be able to contribute to their group. You're still gonna have to deal with the rejection of applying to 100s of jobs online and getting maybe a few callbacks and 1 or 2 interview requests, but that's a topic for a different day. Make a good resume (with lots of keywords that a bot can find in your skills section), spam resumes to job sites every day (I recommend searching through LinkedIn or anywhere other than Indeed), and just be patient. I've been in your shoes and thinking the same way, and I'm still not quite where I want to be in life, but don't psych yourself out. I'd also recommend looking into the STAR interview method online. Most places seem to use that now and there's some good YouTube videos that can help you with job interviews.
TLDR; Spam resumes, be patient, explain job gap as taking care of someone with health problems in your family.