God, the number of people who have coughed all over their hands and then proceeded to hand me money.

And while I’m fired up…

Those fuckers who have a handful of cash that has been in buried in a stripper’s crotch, stuck in my 600-lb life lady’s tits in the summertime, and god knows where else. They lick their thumb, slide a bill, lick their thumb, slide the next, and then proceed to hand me the spit covered bills. So I got to watch them eat stale stripper ass and 600-lb life tit sweat and then hand me their own germs to top it off.

Had a guy last week, brought his kid in and got a drink. “You gawt inny straws?” “Yeah bud, I keep them back here because they didn’t come with individual wrappers. I don’t want folks digging around in them and getting everybody’s kid sick.” I grabbed the plastic on the outside and carefully slid him a straw up that he could easily grab. What does he do? He goddamn stuck his whole hand down in the middle of the straws, dug around, and pulled another one out while giving me a dirty look.

I wanted to punch him so bad. If that kid wasn’t standing there so excited for her slush Puppie I would have just refused to let him get it and told him to fuck off.

I knew this kid when I was in elementary school. He said, “peetuhl is duuuum.” He was right.