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Who you are is who you are
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2024
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I don't think there is a single person behaves that way online that thinks it doesn't change the person they are IRL. It's just online they have the balls to be the person they really want to be.
I know a couple of people (brothers) who definitely thought that online wasn't real and they could act without any consequences in their real life. This was back in the 00's when social media was just catching on. They were absolutely awful to real life friends online and then acted like nothing happened in person. They lost pretty much every friend they had as a result of it. I still don't talk to either of them. We tried to explain to them multiple times that it was absolutely unacceptable behavior, and they thought it was funny.
Oh you sweet summer child. Everyone is the hero of their own adventure.
I never said that they weren't. I'm just saying I don't believe anybody looks at their online behavior and thinks 'thats not the real me that doesn't count.'
Several comments here provide evidence to the contrary.
And maybe that's the problem. The people who are assholes online don't think about there being real, earnest people behind the other keyboards.
Anonymity and the abstraction of interacting online can and does weaken the sense of social contract for many people, unfortunately.
And it does count. Because what one says online can and does affect others in a real way.
I duno i have definitely seen people argue the internet isn't real and none of it counts. I think people definitely try to justify it to themself like that. Like if a trans person complains about online harassment, that argument gets used a lot to dismiss it as lesser or not really important.
EdibleFriend isn't saying that people don't make that claim, they are saying that those people are being dishonest when making that claim. That they don't really believe what they are saying.
I dunno. I agree and I don't. I am part of a gaming community where RPing and ERPing is a decent chunk of subscribers. It does not appeal to me, but does that make them a catboi that will lick the back of their paws for a million gil? I kinda doubt that.
There is a big difference between me being "Sir Markham of Viewhampton" online, and playing that role as a total dick, and me being me online and me being a total dick.
If I play Sir Markham as a dick who goes out, woes women, wines them and dines them then dumps them for the next bit of tail that comes along, that is clearly a part I am role playing because I am roleplaying him as that.
But if I come on here as me -- as Gabe and am rude, obnoxious, racist and a total twat then it is far more likely that is what I am like in real life.
If I roleplay a wizard in an online game do you think that means I can do magic in real life?
Not sure all! However both our scenarios are fairly apparent where fantasy starts and reality ends. But where is that line in other mediums?
I'm not justifying bigotry or anything else you brought up. I completely agree that they are assholes.
But is shittymorph just a shitty wrestling guy?
Unexpected XIV.
Honestly, if you're online enough you do start to feel like a lot of people aren't authentic, and it's true enough, but I also think that validates the OP in a way. People are living our their fantasies, and they wouldn't be fantasies if they weren't appealing.
Yes! But I'm not a WOL with a mansion. I dunno. I hear the sentiment about being a dick and bigotry. We both know that XIV is not about that life and I am happy it's that way. However I was going down the wormhole of possible exceptions.
XIV has a lot of content to delve into besides just being either a roleplayer or a raider. There's definitely some unpleasant individuals in certain circles, but yeah we do usually call them out.
I am a raider through and through. That's for sure. But I do partake in another nuances.
Absolutely it does, you just can't do that in real life, because catbois, contrary to popular belief, don't exist, and gillionaire whales willing to fund these ventures also don't exist.
I think the difference here is that people are more multifaceted than they care to admit, and there is no real "you". You can just as easily get lost in the sauce of catboi erotic roleplay as many can get lost in the sauce of ironically being a callous asshole. If I have learned anything, it is that irony doesn't exist, and there is no core "reality". I mean, there's like a core physical reality, probably, but that's not really what I mean.
Actually I just need to address this a little further because this is a beautiful example of what I'm discussing. All I did was post my opinion and you came along being a condescending ass about it. Do you believe that doesn't count towards who you really are?
Wow so touchy. Not only was that not condescending, it was lighthearted. Yet you're just too fucking miserable to not make it personal huh?
calls op a child
Condescending: 1. having or showing an attitude of patronizing superiority.
Denies being condescending
I honestly couldn't have asked for a better example to prove the point I'm making about people being assholes on the internet versus their real life behavior. There was absolutely no need for him to talk the way he did yet here we are.
To be fair, at first I'm sure he didn't mean to be condescending. I have certain friends that use the "poor child" type phrases like that as well, but it's usually used for a comedic spin, because the language is from a few generations ago. His following reply was shit though 😆 talk about touchy.
Isn't "sweet summer child" just a game of thrones reverence calling the other to be a bit naive? Or am i just missing context here?
I don't know but it boils my blood every time and it's never even been used on me before
Interestingly, I usually assume the phrase is said tongue in cheek, but I only mention that to illustrate the following.
We never quite know how our words -- in person or online -- will affect others.
It was a term way before game of thrones, but it means naive I the straight sense yes. I imagine the person meant it more in a lighthearted way is all. Though tone is hard to tell online a lot of time so who knows.
It's a platitude my dude. You can guys can self victimize yourselves all you want - I certainly am not gonna spend time arguing with professional victims.
Lol. No one is feeling victimized by you. You're just providing the example for the conversation.
And there's some very hostile toxicity and insults.
Again...is this not the real you? Do you believe that?
Allow me to come in and analyze both of your conversations.
Firstly, I think you probably misinterpreted the "sweet summer child" thing. I think it is pretty lighthearted, but I do understand how it could come off condescending. You were the first to use an insult, though, for calling the person an ass.
On the other hand, the person also engaged in insult throwing, by calling you too fucking miserable to take something lightly.
Finally, do I think either of you would've thrown such tantrums in the real world over such a stupid issue? Absolutely not. Do I think both of you are complete assholes for being assholes to each other online, based on misinterpretation of tone? Also no. Would I talk like this in real life, butting into a conversation I'm not a part of, offering my opinion that nobody asked for, and generally being annoying? Also no.
Does it mean I'm annoying in real life? Probably still yes. But I also think that you are probably not both assholes IRL.
That’s not super fair to yourself - makes me realize we all have special privileges here… we’re all not part of 99% of conversations yet we’re all welcome to become a part of about 100% of conversations anyway.
BTW I think of our behaviors as drivers as somewhat analogous.
When was the last time somebody cut you off in traffic?
When was the last time somebody cut in front of you in a grocery store?
Spend an hour in traffic, spend an hour in a grocery store… experience entirely different parts of people. A cage (car) and removal from direct interaction (internet) both change our psychology ever so bigly.
I think you're right on the money in terms of relating the Internet to the car. It's so similar. Like, why am I calling the person in front of me an asshole for cutting me off? I've done that a million times to others. I'm just as bad as them. But because I can't see them and they can see me, I feel freer with my emotions and words. I think it's similar with communication on the Internet.
I'll be honest maybe it was a little lighthearted but... At the same time still condescending and there was no need for it in relation to my perfectly innocent opinion on this post. Especially when it comes down to it he clearly didn't understand my opinion because ' everyone is the hero of their own story' honestly completely fits with my point of ' people don't look at their online behavior has not actually being the real them.'
When people are complete assholes on the internet they feel justified. When people said death threats on Instagram they believe they were doing the right thing.
And I'll be honest... Yep. I behave like this in person too. If somebody's condescending to me I call them on it so... Yep. I would have behaved just like this in person.
Thank you for actually talking rationally about this though :)
I agree with you that people believe their death threats are justified, and probably aren't like "oh that's not me in real life."
But also, for me personally, I find it way easier to be an asshole online than in real life. I've definitely said things online (thrown insults, name-calling, etc) that I would never say in real life, and I would probably say, "that's not really who I am." But it is, because I said it. But it also isn't, because I was younger and dumber and more emotionally unregulated. Yes, it was still me who said it. But when you see someone's face, you see their expressions, their body language, you see them as a human rather than a username. And I understand for me, personally, that I'm more likely to be a dick behind a screen than to someone's face absolutely unconsciously, so I'll give someone else the benefit of the doubt there, as well.
In the end I would probably push back against the notion that we are always one person. We all should be capable of kindness and sternness, gentleness and seriousness, somberness and goofiness.
So in regards to your point, I absolutely would use that language in real life and no one I know would be offended by the words 'sweet summer child' unless maybe English was their second language. If EdibleFriend responded by getting in my face and calling me an ass and we weren't in public he would be on the floor very quick. And likely would if he said that to anybody. Analyze that how you will. The internet doesn't teach social skills.
I mean, I would also use sweet summer child in real life. I have. But people don't always know it's a joke, and I understand that. I certainly wouldn't deck them if they called me an ass, that seems a bit extreme. Probably would go on the verbal defensive, try to explain it was a joke, and feel bad that they took it the wrong way.
But if that's how you carry yourself through life, I can only say I feel bad for you that someone else's words would affect you so much as to prompt you to physically assault them. Just seems a bit silly, doesn't it.
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Careful, you're gonna be on the floor soon buddy 😠😠
I'm a background character in the story.
Me too!
I feel more like I'm one of those framing device characters, you know, like I'm the kid or the grandpa in the princess bride. I'm not the main character, or a main character, but I'm kinda like the guy in the twilight zone that sort of introduces things and then summarizes afterwards. DAE feel that?