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this post was submitted on 15 Apr 2024
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That's probably BPD, your ex.
You can't really assume that just based on the fact that the person was manipulative. BPD doesn't deserve the hatred and stigma that it has, because not all individuals with BPD are manipulative or toxic, and individuals without the disorder can be terrible and abusive just the same.
Please don't further spread negative stigma about people who struggle with a very difficult disorder which does not inherently make us awful, manipulative people.
(Signed, someone with BPD who is very aware of how she treats others and has a very healthy and fulfilling relationship with another individual with BPD)
I grew up with one. I cannot agree.
Just because you know one person who has a particular disorder does not mean that every person with the disorder is the same as them. That's harmful and reductive, if not downright dehumanizing.
Try reading the subreddit r/BPDlovedones. They all have the same experience over and over and over again with borderlines. Haven't seen one who has had a good outcome with a relationship with a borderline. They're all there because it's terrifying and terrorizing.
The only people who post there are those who had bad relationships with individuals with BPD, the ones who have healthy and happy relationships will not post there, obviously. Just because some people have bad experiences with others who have untreated BPD doesn't mean everyone with BPD is guaranteed to behave in the same ways.
If there was a subreddit called r/lefthandedlovedones full of people complaining about bad experiences with left handed people, that doesn't mean that all left handed people are abusive.
Find me someone who has had a good relationship with a borderline. Find me a subreddit that has people with those experiences. There isn't and that's because it's universally a terrible experience.
Dude, maybe just accept that there are at least one good relationship. maybe the sub does not exist because relationships are usually private and intimate, esp the good ones. There’s no need to double down just because you had a bad one.
First off, good on you for being aware of the fact that you have BPD and for working on yourself. I mean that sincerely. You probably don't realize that you are a statistical anomoly, at least based on my extensive research. Very, very few people with BPD are ever diagnosed and probably fewer still possess the emotional awareness to even acknowledge that they have a borderline personality.
Second, you shouldn't take OP's comments personally. Yes, BPD is a horrible mental illness. And as someone who spent six years married to someone who I am 99.99% sure has undiagnosed BPD, I understand it much better than I want to. I could make a movie about that chapter of my life and it would be like watching a horrible Trainwreck. Over the years I've read and heard horror story after horror story from other people with SO's, parents, and friends who are struggling with BPD (virtually all of them unknowingly) and honestly, BPD has earned every single bit of its stigma.
You just happen to be in a better situation than most of the people who struggle with it.
no??? don't make assumptions on someone's mental health just based off of random tidbits of information online. my ex had a lot of problems that iirc she was diagnosed with, but that wasn't one of them. it's incredibly harmful and damaging to make wild assumptions like that, both for the people in question and people actually affected by the illnesses you're talking about. my ex was crazy but we were also teenagers and we both had a lot of trauma in our youths. I've also dated people with diagnosed BPD and it was nowhere even near the same level of craziness as my first ex. don't just go saying someone is bipolar off random shit, that's harmful to the person in question and the people who genuinely have BPD.
I just replied 2 minutes late saying similar, thank you for sticking up for marginalized and wrongly stigmatized individuals <3
Though an important distinction; BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder (a personality disorder often caused by early childhood trauma), whereas Bipolar Disorder is a very different diagnosis (a mood disorder usually caused by genetic inheritance). It's shortened to just "bipolar" or BD
(though they're not mutually exclusive, and plenty of unlucky individuals have both, like me)
i have mental illness and trauma i myself have worked through to get to a much healthier and saner point in my life, so i hate seeing people disparage shit like that off the cuff. also im unsure if the person knows that distinction as well given their comment, but i appreciate the knowledge!