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Maybe look into Tailscale. At the end of the day, someone needs to open up the ports, but Tailscale does it strictly to negotiate a VPN connection between two devices, so they don’t see the traffic that goes over the tunnel.
is there then a way to get it to a domain or do i need to install tailscale on every device?
I do Tailscale on every device, but they also have a Funnel service that might work for you
does this mean i can connect it to my domain and can nginx then route traffic from other vms trough to other subdomains?
If it's setup right you can even connect as if you're on the same local network. Or connect using device name as you set it in the admin panel. There's a bunch of stuff you can do
would there maybe be a way with npm to only open up port 80 and run everything through there?
I think you should understand that if you are opening ports to the wide internet, you are putting yourself and anyone else on your network at risk. You’re playing with fire here.
I have this setup with Tailscale so that I can watch plex from anywhere, without exposing ports to devices that I don’t trust and I can help you if you want. But don’t expose 80 to the internet.