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Fatherly hazing
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
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You and another person can experience the exact same things and one can be traumatized while the other is not. Telling your children lies can be traumatic no matter what the context is, because it teaches the kid not to believe what you say is true or to expect fuckery, a bit like the crying wolf thing.
Am I traumatizing my children telling them about Santa?
Personally I'm good with my children being suspicious of me. Don't trust me blindly just because I'm an authority, trust me because you know me and my motivations.
Depending on what you are telling them, you could be. If they are afraid of Santa and you use him as a boogeyman, absolutely. If you teach your kids that he is always watching and judging, and can be used to exact punishment against them, there's potential for it to cause trauma.
Teaching kids little myths for fun is generally harmless, but inventing things for your kids to be scared of, especially to exert psychological control over them, can do real harm. Actively lying to children because you think they're stupid or gullible just earns you a shit reputation with your kids as they grow older and realize you don't have any respect for them.
Or don't trust you, because you told lies and destroyed the foundation of trust by doing so.
Love when everyone on the internet turns into a developmental psychologist because of some ribbing.
I’ve been bullied, beaten, hell I’ve watched people die. Those are traumatic.
Being asked to find a thing that doesn’t exist is not traumatic. It might be a little mean, but it does teach a lesson to use your head when you’re working on projects.
I've been beaten up daily at school when I was little and none of it bothered me as much as my parents not being supportive when I was in my late teens, but sticks and stones amirite?
They were my best friends and now I never speak to them and just wait for them to go quietly into the night so I can have some free real estate. Guess I'm just a sensitive snowflake liberal who got #triggered but the joke's on them.
Just because it's not some bombastic action scene of people dying or some shit doesn't make something not traumatizing.
Just because it wouldn't be traumatizing to you doesn't mean it cannot be traumatizing. Different people have different levels of tolerance. If you harass and humiliate your child by making up bullshit tasks for them to do, they might grow up with trust issues that at least partially stem from you, an authority figure, lying to them and treating them with disrespect for your own entertainment. If that were the only bad thing you ever did to your kid, maybe it would be an overreaction, but behaviors like that don't usually exist in isolation - if you're bullying your kid for fun, it's probably not a one-off.
You can try to rationalize to yourself that your behavior is okay, but it won't make your adult children visit for the holidays again. Childhood trauma can be healed, usually by cutting the shitty people from your childhood out of your life and learning to love and trust yourself and the family you choose.
Tl;Dr: If you want your kids to love and respect you when they grow up, treat them with love and respect when they're kids.
Are we doing pain olympics? Just because someone has it better or less immediately noticeable doesn’t mean it’s less valid. It might be less extreme but telling they don’t have trust issues because you saw someone die doesn’t help anyone.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, it sounds awful. Being regularly expected to be and treated like a gullible idiot by people who have power over you isn’t fun either.
And you’d really need more context then a single blog post to tell. The occasional joke isn’t going to traumatize anyone.
what humourless parenting. sorry, but "red and white striped paint" in the context of a happy and healthy relationship is very unlikely to be traumatic.