"You need to buy this special heater pad to break the screen adhesive!"
No, I think you will find that in fact I don't.
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Bruh...
It was a very long day that started with a nice easy plan that quickly turned into "Which POS part is preventing this thing from working"
Fun fact it was the motherboard. Though it wasn't a consistent issue sometimes it was RAM failing, sometimes it was pcie not working, sometimes it was networking not working, etc. After swapping the motherboard everything worked beautifully.
Yes we tried reseating the CPU, yes we checked for bent pins, yes we made sure the cables were secure. Something was fucky with the motherboard.