I went and took maternity pictures with my wife yesterday and she was having so much fun. I didn’t complain because I didn’t want to ruin it, but I was so mad at myself because it was all I could focus on.

I’d forget for a second and make a joke to make her laugh and then right back into focusing on the pain.

I’m about burned out with it. I’ll have a good week followed by three months of nonstop misery. I can’t take pain meds because I’m a former addict. I’m terrified to have surgery for that reason.

I don’t know. Sorry to put this here. I wish I were better at suffering in silence. I know I’ve gotta be driving her crazy groaning all the time. I try not to, which makes me super aware of it. It sucks.

It is what it is and we get what we get, but damn I wish I could get some real relief. I’m feeling alright at this moment because I’ve had 4 12% alcohol beers, but when I wake up in the morning I’ll probably spend the first 5 hours of my day wishing I could just be unconscious.