How many tries do you give a new friend? (lemm.ee)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee to c/askmenover30@lemm.ee

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I'm a man in my 40's, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I've had lunch with a couple of times and we've connected pretty well. I'm not getting disinterested vibes when we're actually at lunch. However, I've invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he's not responded. He's responded to other texts. "Hey, I'm going to event XYZ, any advice" and he'd reply. I've run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he's been genial. He's never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that's not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I'm The Organizer.) I'm getting really, really mixed signals.

How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you "take the hint" and stop?

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[-] meco03211@lemmy.world 40 points 3 months ago

I've no idea, but I wanted to say kudos to you for trying and looking for help. My socially awkward ass would probably chalk it up to a loss and never initiate with the guy again.

About the only thing I can offer is I've sort of been that guy. Had a friend who would have game nights every so often where he'd invite a bunch of people over. I'd almost never go or respond, but damn if I didn't appreciate the hell out of always getting the invite.

[-] GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago

My socially awkward ass would probably chalk it up to a loss and never initiate with the guy again.

Desperation is a powerful force. After I graduated college, doing things with friends just dropped off. I'm a massive extrovert and I love hanging out with people but I seem to be in the minority where ever I go. I have to do all the inviting.

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 7 points 3 months ago

I'm an introvert, with practiced extrovert skills. Being social is something I've always had to work at. Picking up on social cues? Yeah still a lot of work to do there.

Anyway, one thing I've learned in life is that people love a good idea, but they can't see past the end of their noses to actually take initiative and make things happen. In this regard, it's social meet up stuff. I have to push people to actually do stuff a lot of the time

I think if that person is legit genial when you're with them or talking to them they arent disinterested; just busy or easily distracted, or lazy

They may like you a lot as a person but just don't have time, or want to put in the effort to plan things

this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2024

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