This is how this conversation would go with my wife and I:

"Oh god! You're finally awake!!! Babe, you've been asleep for two years!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Look how long you've been gone!"

"Everything looks exactly the same as when I went to sleep."

"No it isn't! Look at my hair!"

"Oh, did you get a haircut? It looks nice."

I'm not good with details.

"Ok but can I at least have 10 more minutes?"

I can see why he married her.

That was a good twist

"Then why am I still tired? Clearly I need a few more years of sleep."

"Nice, all plans cancelled with a valid excuse."

Is this how the barbershop in GTA works

My husband shaved his beard when I was napping one day and came to wake me up. I had no idea who he was.

You were trying to cross the border, right?

That would be a coma

“Oh my gawd! Your tiddies are sagging even more!”

So you are finally awake Link...

Oh haha took me a minute.

You ever be dating a girl with hair extensions and try to run your fingers through her hair? And that's how you found out she had extensions? Surprise! Hair extensions are bullshit.