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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by FarFarAway@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

This is completely strange, and very long. I've exhausted all my ideas, and need fresh ones.

Some background.

  1. my neighbor is old, very very old. Also, they are not very mobile. So something like creeping up to the window and listening in is out of the question. Although, a very long time ago (decades) they did used to hang out near an air condition vent, listening to our in person conversations.
  2. when I say neighbor, I mean they live in a small house connected by a breezeway to my house. I do admit they are rather close. Yes I do have access to thier house.
  3. i have no real idea of thier level of technological expertise. They are pretty manipulative so even though I'm under the impression they're very limited on expertise, it's possible they know more than they let on. Let's just say at this point, they say they have difficulties placing calls to thier saved contacts on thier jitterbug flip phone, but when your not looking they're already on the line with someone, like five seconds after you walked out the door. As far as we know they do not have access to the internet, but who knows. They do know how to navigate to at least a limited number of websites though. (Slight fear of them seeing this post, haha)
  4. they digest far right media. This in itself doesnt seem relavent, but I suppose, in my head, this might be able to give them awareness of the types of technology that one might use to pull something like this off.
  5. It is remotely possible that someone could have installed something inside the house maybe about 15-20 years ago, and given the neighbor access to it.
  6. they are on a limited income, and are not independently wealthy. Any technology would have to be no only easy to use, but on the less expensive side as well.

So... Maybe about once a year for the past few years a topic or phrase that was talked about over the phone would come up in conversation the next day. Not a big deal, written off as coincidence. That's just how it goes sometimes. Well now, we've had a falling out. For the past few weeks they have brought up many private conversations I have had over my cell phone with at least 2 different people. They repeat not just what I say, but what the person on the other end of the phone says as well. I say, "Man, im pretty sure they're hearing my phone calls." The other person says, "Maybe there's a bug somewhere." The next day they start to prattle on about...a bug on the wall. But not a real bug...oh what do you call those things...you know, bugs that know things. Or I say "I'm worried about this escalating." The other person jokingly says "Oh, don't eat or drink anything from them, unless they take some first.. They may try to kill you." The next day neighbor is handing me a concoction they've made. "Oh, I've just sat down with this mixture I've created for my health. Everything I put in it is sitting on the counter there. (Cue various herbal supplements / tinctures) here have the first sip... it's not going to kill you." They are bringing up / creating situations centered around private converstaions from the night before. They may skip a day or two here and there, but it's a pretty regular occurrence.

Something worth mentioning, is that while im on the phone call, I will turn on my Bluetooth and use my earbuds. Everytime the buds connect, the call drops, and we have to call each other back. I figured I was pushing a button wrong or something and hanging up. But since the neighbor has gone somewhere, we have not been able to replicate the situation.

Things we have tried but have since been disproven:

  • At first we thought we were leaving windows open and they could just hear it...but all windows were closed.
  • maybe they can hear through the walls somehow, they are thin. But its never been a thing before. (why would they have to hang out by aforementioned vent, then) We blast the radio real loud and see how much we can hear from neighbors porch. Can't make out exact words and doesn't explain hearing the other person.
  • well thier radio automatically connects to iPhones ( un-updated iphone from the air drop debacle/ f-ed up feature of the radio involving nfc and bluetooth) and it did pair with my phone at some point. Maybe they can the other person over thier radio. But we tried to make it work and just cant replicate it.
  • we've checked obvious places for a walke talkie looking receiver. Nothing.
  • we've used one of those cheap bug detectors off Amazon and checked the house...and the vent. No wires comming out of strange places as far as we can tell.

I'm at my wits end. What could they be using and how can I stop it? It maybe all a coincidence, but then its as much so as Facebook / Google targeted ads that arent listening your conversations. I mean, what, are they an advanced algorithm that can guess what your thinking based on all available data on you?

Help! And thank you for taking the time. Also, sorry about the format / spelling getting all this out on mobile is tough.

TL:DR. My really old neighbor seems to hear my both sides of cell calls to at least 2 different people. Is there simple, rather cheap technology put there that they could be using. And how do i go about finding it / making it stop.

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[-] PerspectiveVortex@lemmy.world 53 points 1 year ago

I’m certainly no expert, and maybe there’s a reason no one else has suggested this, but I think we need to consider if this is a paranoid delusion. Maybe speak to a doctor?

[-] iByteABit@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago

Like others have said I think you should seriously consider checking your mental health with a psychiatrist.

I'm sorry if it's not the case, but you shouldn't risk it if it is, I've seen cases like this and it's really sad to witness. It only goes downhill from there if left untreated..

[-] SHITPOSTING_ACCOUNT@feddit.de 38 points 1 year ago

My guesses, in this order:

  1. Confirmation bias
  2. Carbon monoxide or mental health issues on your side (I'm being serious, don't rule it out).
  3. Some low tech way (you're speaking very loudly, you somehow managed to broadcast to their Bluetooth speaker)

With a strong likelihood of it being 1, slightly less 2, unlikely 3 or anything else.

[-] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

I'm gonna go with #2 very high likely chance. Also, they didn't mentione what they think that, and I wouldn't be surprised if the other person tells your neighbor about the conversations. Meaning you think your conversations are one to one, but maybe the other party shares with your neighbor.

[-] sorebuttfromsitting@sopuli.xyz 25 points 1 year ago

I know this sounds obvious, and it’s an old meme from Reddit, but you REALLY need to check your home for carbon monoxide.

[-] penix@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

The convergence of “man, some wild ass shit is happening to me I’m noticing” and “check your damn CO levels bro” posts continues.

[-] WhoRoger@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I thought we're making new lore on Lemmy, not continuing from Reddit.

Maybe OP just needs to not poop for 3 days.

[-] penix@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giant retards.

[-] GenerationNull@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

It transcends platforms

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[-] SaucyGoodness@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Don't push this off, OP. Check this first. Immediately.

[-] Alex@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Lmao that's exactly what I was thinking of while reading this.

[-] Setarkus@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Why's that? Anything post-related?

Carbon monoxide poisoning can cause memory loss, allucinations and paranoia

[-] Sheik@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

People hallucinating from carbone monoxide, hearing voices and stuff.

[-] IphtashuFitz@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

As I recall he also said he was finding odd notes around the house that he had no recollection writing.

[-] Dumbkid@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago

Yeah the whole post was he thought his landlord was breaking in and leaving notes everywhere, but it was OP in a CO induced haze

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[-] smokeythebear@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Wasn't that later revealed to be a hoax? It was during one of the major waves of legal advice trolls

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[-] hsl@wayfarershaven.eu 20 points 1 year ago

You can troubleshoot this through the process of elimination.

  1. Don't make any calls from home for a day or two. That'll tell you if it's something localized to your home/location or if it's specific to your phone/contract.
  2. Disable all extra technology like Bluetooth. That'll tell you if it's a Bluetooth or other connection. Ideally, turn off all extra connections beyond cellular. You could also try voice/video calls vs. phone data - I doubt this would matter, but it's always the last thing that you check.
  3. Break your house into a few different zones. If they comment on a conversation held it in one part of the home but not another, that'll give you an idea if it's location specific.

Probably not the most helpful tip, but how about taking this opportunity to learn another language?

[-] FarFarAway@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I like this tactic. Will try when the neighbor gets back.

I've definitely have disconnect all the bluetooth devices, but i did reconnect my hands free set. Your right though, I shouldn't use it for a few days.

I never imagined it could be the phone itself. I mean I looked for apps but I guess stuff like that doesn't just show up in the app drawer all the time.

If nothing else I'll find out if there's anywhere that's safe

[-] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

Lol, do all of their friends and family need to take up the same language? Could you imagine everyone just takes up Vietnamese just because of this neighbor.

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[-] TDCN@feddit.dk 14 points 1 year ago

On modern smart phones ther are some accessibility settings for hearing aid connection that iirc connects automatically to hearing aids that support the feature. It's not always using Bluetooth. The non Bluetooth variants are pretty low range I think but Bluetooth is also used for the same features. Go to you phone settings and see if you accidentally enabled something like "hearing enhance" "hearing aid enhance" etc.

[-] jerrimu@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

They may have some srt of hearing aid. Also, nothing you posted proves they heard your call, it could simply be coincidence.

[-] MustardFish@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 year ago

My father had a really similar thing happen to him. First it was his stepmother and sisters, then my mother’s family, then the neighbor down the street with a wiener dog all spying on him constantly.

Turns out that they were getting directly into his brain from all the cocaine he was snorting.

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[-] MrBlueSkies@feddit.uk 10 points 1 year ago

It could much simpler than all the Bluetooth answers here. Do you just talk really loudly on the phone? I can only hear my neighbour when she’s talking on the phone, but not directly to her husband.

[-] Quatity_Control@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

You mentioned a Bluetooth issue. Do they have a hearing aid that may be your phone is broadcasting to via Bluetooth by mistake?

[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

There's an eldery, far right, technologically incapable guy at my office that takes any sleight as a person attack and tries to set "revenge" because he's also a rage addict.

He also has the Bluetooth hearing aid, and I can see that being something that gets shilled for on alt right news station/podcasts.

With OP saying they use Bluetooth and calls drop when trying when the neighbor is home....

That's probably what it is.

A cheap Bluetooth "hearing aid" that OP somehow accidentally authorized on their phone

[-] FarFarAway@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

This is interesting because while they do have ear / hearing issues, they've never gotten hearing aids from a doctor, but it doesn't mean they never ordered them from some catalog, or whatever.

Like just because ive never seen them doesnt mean they dont exist. They maybe too proud to have them in while people are around, but might use them to watch TV or listen to the media.

I'll definitely check into this. Thank you.

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[-] GalacticHero@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

If the neighbor is doing this intentionally, I’m pretty sure it violates some pretty serious wiretapping laws.

[-] Stubborn9867@lemmy.jnks.xyz 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Not an iPhone user, but I'd assume there's a way to view Bluetooth connections. In Android you just long press the Bluetooth icon in the system shade (where you set airplane mode and toggle WiFi etc.)

[-] ivenoidea@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Same on iOS. Or just go to Settings >Bluetooth.

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[-] number6@feddit.nl 8 points 1 year ago

Possibly they have a directional microphone. This may seem like high-tech, but it's been around forever, predating cellphones. So someone could have bought it from Radio Shack and learned to use it when they were younger. So if you're talking loudly, and they have a microphone, they can pick it up. Any idea of their former career?

I don't buy the CO idea. CO is more likely to cause headaches, nausea, and skin flushing. And everyone in the house would be showing symptoms too.

[-] dbx12@programming.dev 6 points 1 year ago

Disable bluetooth on your phone, have a call and see if they react to it. If they do react, you can rule out bluetooth snitching on you.

[-] Spzi@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

You didn't specify what phone technology you use. If the signal leaves the house in an old fashioned way, crosstalk could be the cause. I'm nearly sure this is impossible for digital communication (cellphone, voice over IP). It might be an explanation if you and your neighbor still use copper cable phones.

[-] FarFarAway@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I use an iPhone thats i got in 2022, on carrier signal, over regular voice calls, not wifi call or anything like that.

I'll use a pair of true wireless jbl earbuds. I admit, I never really stopped to test if it only happens when connect to the earbuds or not.

Both houses do have landlines, but I haven't used the landline for any of these conversations. It's pretty much only used to field telemarketers or for things like the ac repair guy and the church people.

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[-] NosyRock@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I think I would jump to the Bluetooth being the culprit, especially how you say it drops out

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[-] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

Do they have a hearing aid, or one of those hearing enhancers?

That would be my guess. Cheap Bluetooth devices are creepy, I have a $2 pair of ear pods from Ali and it somehow automatically connected to my wife's iPhone the other night and I was able to pause and even change the music she was sleeping to. That all happened by accident (she was not happy), so I totally could see that happening.

Go by elimination, the first thing I would do is reset the phone and don't pair it to any bluetooth device. Also change the WiFi password and the router admin password with strong randomly generated passwords.

Then keep going as usual and see if something changes.

When you said you used a bug detector, was it a radio frequency analizer? Did you check while doing a phone call, a bug that is not transmitting wouldn't be detected.

Do the people you talk with or someone living with them know your neighbour? Maybe the leak is on the other end.

If the houses share an air conditioning system maybe try closing off the vents.

I know you are sure of your experiences but have you checked your physical and mental health? A few mental conditions could make coincidences turn into paranoia, but even a few simple physical conditions like carbon monoxide poisoning and maybe even vitamin deficiency could loosen your grip on reality . Has someone else witnessed first hand these events?

[-] FarFarAway@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

So, it's the neighbors mental condition that's taken the dive. They left to get help. It is indeed possible some of thier crazy rubbed off on me, but it really is eerie. They did actually state a couple times that theyve heard us talking or laughing or whatever. We blew it off at first cause...yeah, ok. you HEARD us...the second time they said it, we already had our suspicions.

At this point we eliminated what we thought the cause was (that damn radio) since there wasnt anything new for the few days until they left. I'm not opposed to the idea that maybe the last one was actually a coincidence, (which would be a relief) we can't really test out any theories until they get back home, we were just hoping to get rid of the culprit before hand, so as not to cause any further distress.

The detector we used was a rf/gps/infrared scanner. We did not use it during a call, only after. I figured something like that was always transmitting, but why would it be if it wasnt actively being used. This is helpful. Thank you.

The vents are not actually connected. The vent leads to an area outside that is easily accessible by people, and is mostly out of sight unless you go out of your way. But we've been looking at that area since it was a problem before.

The other people I talk to are my support system. One has limited contact with the neighbor and the other really has next to no contact at all, so im positive they're not leaking any information to them. The person with limited contact has also been witness to this. They live away from the property.

Thank you for the ideas, I learned something new today.

[-] VeryAmaze@vlemmy.net 2 points 1 year ago

Anecdotal: my neighbors entryway is recessed, and as so happens to be like 20 meters away from a window on the second floor of my house. There's a ton of vegetation between us, but even if people are whispering there - I can hear it like they are right next to me. Especially when they are screaming at their kids to "be quiet"🫠.
It's possible that your neighbor found some spot where sound from your house travels to. Do you normally take phone calls in a specific area of the house? Vs where you usually have guests over?

[-] bonoisatwat@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I really don't mean to be a grammar Nazi, but the amount of times you misspelled "their" is crazy. Check to make sure your auto-correct is good. There's no way it should have allowed "thier".

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this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2023
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