Trans

So. I was in town the other day, and caught sight of my reflection. "Hmm, I actually look almost like a girl today," I thought. In an inexplicable fit of courage, I decide to risk the women's bathroom. Heart pounding, I go in. No alarms sound. Finish my business, wash hands, escape. In the end I didn't encounter anybody else, so it wasn't much of a test. But now I'm paranoid that that was the only reason it didn't end in disaster :/

Oh, and I got my ears pierced. Now I get a happiness boost every time I see myself in the mirror!

And the doctor wasn't happy with my estrogen level, so she's reduced my dose and put me on spiro. At least I now have an excuse for all the pickles I eat.

I am seeing my new doctor tomorrow to start HRT!

Quite a lot has happened recently that I could talk about, publically dead named and misgendered, started to accept being autistic (and finding it to be a relative positive process so far), made a bunch of progress with my music and I made the best brownies last night.

But honestly I'm just really happy because I have a pair of overalls now and I feel cute, the rest is just noise. It's so awesome how affirming clothing can be when you get it right.

I've been super busy this month doing what I can to help prepare a grassroots trans rights rally, and I'm so damn excited to go to a trans music show on Saturday. It's almost like a big celebration that all the hardwork is behind us, and I'm going to get to see a local trans folk punk artist that I really admire. I'm extremely tired, but in a good way I think.

First week on Spiro and E. My skin is already a lot softer, I think? And it's hard to tell if it's real or just placebo, but I kind of do feel a little more 'me.' I still don't like looking in the mirror though.

Ordered a few more of the same stretchy black skirt (with pockets!) for myself. Started thinking more on permanent hair removal options; there's an electrolysis place relatively close to me at a price point i'd consider reasonable. Tired of "okay" results from an electric razor and just want it all gone (everything below the neck, but prioritizing the "undercarriage" as a starting point).

20 something days till my first psychologist appointment for ADHD evaluation... id like to be able to actually do something with my life sooner rather than later. For all the stress the world puts on mental health its a little screwed up how long the systems that be make you sit and wait 😬

Otherwise, same old tired me with an increasing awareness of how bad my anxiety really is and how its hurt me in life. Very lonely but also completely paralyzed and unable to maintain any kind of relationship with other people; I haven't had a real friend group since like middle school.