I met the author... a guy who wrote the script for one of the pictured movies. He was doing stand-up comedy on a cruise ship. He said yes, they are all terrible, but there's a certain audience for them and they're quite profitable.

He said I want you to think of me when you're forced to watch one of these. I want you to know who is responsible, and that I'm very sorry.

Just once I want a man in a red sweater and a woman in a green dress [sobs].

Wealthy socialite Human Woman had it all, ceo of the top you feel bad magazine, house on top of building and even a tiny enslaved bark beast, the only thing Human Woman was missing was a chemical reaction.

Human Woman receives a electrical waveform, Human Woman's Human Grandmother mush box has stopped, Human Woman emigrated in moving iron box to original location, meeting Human Man also from original location, chemical reaction happens and Human Woman And Human man become human Couple

Damn. Some very white Christmases in Hallmark land.

Here’s a script idea:

Suzy Citygirl has to plan the perfect Christmas pageant or Bernard Bigbiz will fire her from her job at the Joyless Inc. Little does she know when she gets sent to Tinytown, Vermont on business she'll meet Matty McSmall town. He owns the struggling local tinsel factory and needs to sell enough tinsel by Christmas or else his grandma won't be allowed to have the surgery she needs to remove the tumor from her holiday spirt gland. Matty is also single dad that was widowed by a freak tinsel lathing accident and the little girl loves Sally Citygirl from the beginning and secretly helps her dad see past his pain.

With minutes to spare in the Christmas pageant/tumor deadline Suzy convinces Mr. Bigbiz to buy enough tinsel to save the Christmas pageant AND remove grandma's tumor! But after throwing the perfect pageant she realizes Mr. Bigbiz is a terrible boss, and moves to Tinytown permanently. She falls in love with Matty, and gets a job at his tinsel factory. With her big business skills the struggling tinsel factory grows three sizes that day.

Mr. Bigbiz is ruined. He realizes the error of his ways and comes to Vermont to apologize. Now he too works at the tinsel factory, and loves life now. But don’t forget, throughout the movie the cast interacts with lovable bearded old man who may or may not be Santa, because wtf, why not?

You missed the best series of nonsense Christmas movies:

• Time for Me to Come Home for Christmas
• Time for Her to Come Home for Christmas
• Time for Him to Come Home for Christmas
• Time for You to Come Home for Christmas
• Time for Them to Come Home for Christmas

Yes these are legit hallmark movies.

And it's always some woman that lives in the same town her whole life. The man either just moved back or is new to the small town

Ive got hundreds of these damn movies on my Plex server specifically because my wife LOVES this crap.

I'm convinced we have a Family-Guy-Manatee-Ball-Pit situation going on here. There's less balls to choose from, but damn if I haven't seen "save family business with a last minute impromptu charity event spurred on by the handsome dude from her past who posseses some talent" 100 fucking times.

They aren't usually direct plot copies, they just have identical pieces that get moved around so they can factory farm these bitches out.

What has 15 actors, 4 settings, 2 writers and 1 plot?

!633 hallmark movies!<

They look a lot like the identikit romance books my mum would read. Even she didn't know which one's she'd read before. Be like three quarters of the way in and then go "oh, I've read this".

Pretty sure ChatGPT could create those things by now, such is the limitless array of imagination on offer within.

Not trying to be racist but it's almost always a man and a woman who are both White - and probably a Black side character if they are feeling generous.

I love these movies, I think part of it is that holiday movies are some of the only light-hearted movies around that aren't for kids. I don't care that they suck in real terms or are all the same (something about xmas brings enhances my tolerance for terrible music and movies), I do wish they Hallmark knew about POC and LGBTQIA.

That's their trademark, as soon as you see it you know it's a Hallmark romantic, cheesy, family movie.

Fast and furious XV: The return of Naruto

I live in a small town in Vermont, my girlfriend grew up here but moved away to New York City and has recently returned. She hates Christmas and I love it. Ive been trying to get her into the Christmas spirit. We were picking a Christmas tree when i realized we're literally following the plot of these stupid movies and i now i keep mentioning how i need her big city business skills to help save my Christmas themed bakery

HolidayPorn

When you have that almost perfect Stable Diffusion prompt and you're trying to figure out what you have to change to get it that last little bit.